Bayonetta Review

I really was spoiled for choice on blog topics this week. I have a reasonably long list of potential things to blog about but I decided to go with Bayonetta because I think it'd be nice to review a game that was new for once. I also figured that the only reason I hadn't posted anything sooner was because I've been so engulfed in the world of Bayonetta, which kind of spoils the punchline as far as reviews go.

So yes, Bayonetta kicks arse. Not only that but it fires bullets into your arse as it kicks it. What am I on about here? Well as you may or may not have heard Bayonetta is a game in which you control a witch that looks like a cross between Catwoman and a sexy librarian who is capable of firing guns that she wears like high heels and turning her hair/clothing into giagantic monters to tear apart her enemies. Really, this is only a taste of what Bayonetta is like. The game is rediculous and over the top from the opening scenes and attempts to one up itself repeatedly until the testicle explodingly excellent climax. But when I say it's rediculous I mean so in a rather complementary way. It's not the Gears of War sort of rediculous where all the characters are unlikable badasses who probably chewed their way through their mothers birth canal and you can't help but laugh at the way they sound sexually gratified as they drive their giant, homoerotic chainsaw guns through an enemies meaty body. No Bayonetta has got rediculousness down to a fine art and seems to have a lot of fun showing itself off. It actually reminds me a lot of Weatherwoman that I reviewed ages ago back when my blog was still a primordial soup. It has that same strange, sexual, wicked style served with just a hint of Japaneseness.

Oh listen to me rambling and I haven't even talked about the gameplay yet. Bayonetta is an action game that mostly concerns itself with fighting a variety of enemies in a variety of ways using a variety of combos. That said, it really isn't necessary to master all the different moves within the game. If you're anything like me you are a bit too ham handed to pull of a wide variety of long and complex moves on the fly in the middle of battle a giant, stone, angel collosus. But the moves are all there for anyone to use in any way they see fit. Bayonetta comes accross as a hack'n'slash type of game but manages to strive off the usual boredom I find myself experiencing with those games with it's interesting and varied enemy design. It also mixes up the gameplay a bit by adding a level where you ride a bike (just as an example). Bayonetta really is a challenging game to review because it's so wild and fun that putting it into words just doesn't seem good enough. Within a single playthrough you experience so many strange things that I don't really know where to begin.

The difficulty level in the game are varied quite well. On it's easiest setting Bayonetta can be played one handed so that even your noobtastic mum can play if she feels the need. Or maybe it's just so male gamers can have a wank as they watch the nimble, leatherclad Bayonetta dance about the screen as she disembowels angels, who knows? But on the other end of the spectrum the difficulty is amped up quite heftally to ensure that you will often feel the brutal and humiliating sting of defeat as Bayonetta once again wails on your uncoordinated arse. But in between those to difficulty extremes is a nice place for average gamers like myself to start off before attempting the more challenging aspects.

But when all is said and done the fact of the matter remains that although I love Bayonetta and the way it executes everything so perfectly I have to admit that it won't be the game for everyone. Chances are there will be people who have read this and thought to themselves that this premise for a game sounds horrible no matter how well done and beautifully presented it is. I personally intend to explore every nook and cranny of this game personally completing each of it's challenges one by one and let me say that there are very, VERY few games that have compelled me to undertake such a huge task. Bayonetta comes highly recommended even if it won't be appreciated by everyone.

Pictured above: Bayonetta's approriately titled "Climax Edition"

PS. to make up for the distinct lack of humorous material amoungst this gushing review I'd just like to say "clit tickler." End Transmission.