Gerald McBoing Boing is an extremely irritating childrens show who's highly celebrated protagonist (although I'd argue that he's really more an antagonist from the point of view of someone with an actual brain) who decides he can get by quite well through life never actually speaking, but instead electing to make noises. Sure, they're accurate SFX type noises, but it's still very annoying quite frankly. I mean what the hell is wrong with speaking? It's refined, elegant and communicates much more accurately than saying "boing boing." I mean we can assume that he actually CAN speak, he can make every other noise so why not words? There are often segments in the show that play out a bit like a SFX game of charades. It's like those episodes of Lassie that nobody has actually even seen but are nonetheless completely familiar with due to heavy spoofing. I kinda bogged that sentence down...but I'm sure you know the one I mean?
Parent/Policeman: Lassie! What is it boy?
Lassie: 'arf 'arf pant pant pant
Parent/Policeman: (said rather stupidly) you've got...FLEAS!?!
Lassie puts paws over his eyes and groans
Why don't Gerald's parents enforce some sort of restraint and, dare I even suggest it, actually parent this renegade monster. The show even has an annoying, fast delivery, in-your-face style in which several scenarios and skits play themselves out. I particularly loathe the ones in which Gerald is the hero who saves the day with universal praise with the aid of his "talents." I'm also disappointed to report that this show is based on a book by none other than the great Dr. Seuss. I've never actually read the book, so I can't really ascertain whether the show is horribly faithful or a repulsive bastardisation. At this stage you might be asking yourselves whether I'm being a little harsh on the show, it is afterall aimed at kids. Well let me tell you this. The mark of a truely great childrens television show is one that can be appreciated by an older audience. It's the kind of show you will actually reminisce about with friends when you're 16 and older. I can't imagine this show will be one of them. Just as a last point of interest I found a lame "parents group" on the internet (insert the sound of me wretching) that approved this show. It passes on the grounds that it contains no nudity, violence or swearing. Let me just compare the possible outcomes of a child exposed to these things.
- Nudity - Well not much really. Nudity and sex aren't really all that harmful for children, especially not as much as people make it out to be. People are just affraid their child will embarress them at the church bake sale or make them answer awkward questions about "daddy hurting mummy"
- Violence - I dunno I guess the kid won't sleep right for a bit...but they WILL have some pretty awesome bragging rights at school
- Swearing - Again, embarrasment is the main factor here. When a child swears around adults there's always an awkward shifting of eyes as potential "corruptors" non-verbally pass the blame around the room and always agree it must either be the TV or school.
- A Show About How Cool It Is To Make Noise - You will end up will an annoying child who makes noises and laughs at them thinking he's fucking awesome until you're inches away from murdering him or dropping him off at the nearest sex offenders house until your spouse catches you in the act and you burst into tears declaring yourself a "monster" until you both conclude that it is infact your child who is the real monster. I'd better stop here otherwise I'll end up writing the most horrible fake biography in existence.
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