I realise it may be a little late to be of immediate relevance but I figured I'd post it anyway. In the weeks (or days) leading up to Christmas we're filled with holiday warmth and joy as we carefully dress the tree in its tinsel, lights and stars. But afterwards the tree is discarded (or packed away I guess for all you plastic tree owners) impatiently and without remorse. I don't know exactly where I'm going with this intro, just pointing out how odd it is that we bring midget pine-trees into our living room I guess. So fuck it, here's a guide on how to kick that sucker out of your home.
Firstly make sure Christmas is over. I don't wanna get you all juiced up with my excellent guide only to have you chuck the thing out prematurely. But not only should you wait for the actual day to finish, but I advise that you wait until all your holiday merriment is well and truely extinguished. All you Scrooges out there will probably have already done the deed on Boxing Day, but for us it's dismantled around the time it starts going brown and limp. So after the tree is past it's prime you should also remember to take the decorations off and pack them away. Now's a good time to remove any broken ornaments or faulty lights from the yearly rotation before packing them away safely for next year. Once you're tree is all naked and sexy pick it up and chuck it out you idiot. Burn it, chop it up, lift it over the fence and drop it in your neighbours pool. Getting rid of anything (excluding say...a person) is really easy and you can apply the same "take object and make it gone" principle to practically anything. So just man (or woman) the fuck up and do it. It's not really that hard and doesn't require a guide you dick.
1 comment:
mine was no midget pine
it was 7 foot tall thank you very much.
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