In Jurassic Park Jeff Goldblum plays Dr Ian Malcolm, an out-there chaos theorist with a sharp wit and something of a rockstar disposition. Let me just say that Dr. Malcolm and the old guy that founds the park are the best characters in Jurassic Park. Dr. Malcolm has the best lines and is the most likeable whilst the old guy (John I believe his name is) is a sympathetic character who's dreams and ambitions are the foundations for the disasters that follow. The other characters are Spielberg's classic stereotypes that he shoehorns into all his damn movies. There's the sassy woman, the worried lawyer, the stupid stupid kids and the guy-who-hates-kids-at-the-start-but-then-grows-quite-attached-to-them-because-survival-brings-people-together-and-really-makes-you-appreciate-things-in-a-whole-new-light. All THESE fucktards are about as deep and well developed as a cardboard cutout with a speech bubble stuck to it. But at least we have the other two characters who are more than able to carry the rest thr...oh fuck Dr. Malcolm broke his leg and will be ignored from now on. Guess that fucks that up. In the Lost World Dr. Malcolm returns with a much needed increase in his lines and the movie is made all the better for it. Mind you the characters in this one are stupidly stereotypical and flat aswell. There's the child, the stubborn girlfriend, the greedy capitolist bastard, the hunter and the COMPLETE DICKHOLE ENVIRONMENTALIST GUY WHO GETS OTHER PEOPLE KILLED BY ATTEMPTING SURGERY ON AN INJURED BABY T-REX AND BY DELIBERATELY STEALING BULLETS FROM PEOPLE'S GUNS. I mean seriously this guy is a self righteous fucktard wanker who I personally wanted to kick in the balls til they poked through his brain. Sounds harsh but he is truely a douchebag you need to see to believe.
Another problem I have with this movie is how often you'll be yelling at the characters to stop being stupid. Characters carry guns but never fucking use them, they just stand there and scream. Just kill it you moron, you can scream all you want once it's dead. Now that we're on the topic of screaming and acting like mindless servings of food I feel it would be silly not to metion the children at this point. The children who turn on flashing lights so that the nearby dinosaur can definately see them. The chilren who need to be saved regularly by other, less stupid characters. The children who even when they have the brilliant idea to draw dinsaurs away from other characters with noise, execute it in a stupid way by drawing the dinosaurs to themself rather than thowing something as to make alot of noise that is not near them or indeed anybody. You'll resent those goddamn kids lemme tell you that for nothing (the asking price for all my worldly insights).
But complaints aside the movies are both well paced, intense, action packed and funilly enough believeable. I believed that dinosaurs really were feasting on people, especially in the second one which lends more special effects power so that the deaths are more explicit rather than implied. I must say I am a big fan of the second one with its increased violence, death toll and indeed Jeff Goldblum ratio. But then the second movie does something so stupid that it kinda wrecks it all. Within the last half hour of the movie the capitolst wanker character stupidly decides to take the T-Rex off the secluded island and bring it to the city, for the public to enjoy. Of course this is just Steven Spielberg setting up a completely dumb, destructive action aside that fails to serve the plot in any way at all. Sure it's kinda cool to see old Rex headbutt a bus and chase a crowd of Japanese through the streets BUT it came at a very large cost. All of a sudden I said to myself "hang on! Dinosaurs getting cloned from DNA? Frogs filling in the DNA gaps? Animal experts acting inexpertly? This can't happen, it's IMPOSSIBLE!" It is at this point the movie stops being immersive and believable and starts being just a plain ol' popcorn and coke movie. It's the point at which Spielberg coaxes the plot away from Michael Crichton's carefully crafted text and descides to go for a big blockbuster action copout wank. Sure it's cool and might even stimulate your need to see things obliterated but it's at the cost of all the subtlety both the movies had been working so hard at. In the first movie they withold the dinosaur action a fair bit at the start to built suspense. The characters drive past the pens wanting to see them but they aren't in view. Now here we have one smashing up shit in the middle of the city. The rampage itself leaves a lot of questions unanswered as well. Where the fuck is the army? Or some sort of city defence? They have a large preditor tearing shit up for about 20 mins and the only response is for the main characters to lure the animal back to the ship to trap it by using it's offspring as bait. For fucksake KILL IT! KILL IT BEFORE IT KILLS YOU! ARE YOU STUPID? THIS THING WANTS YOU ALL DEAD! STOP CARING ABOUT IT! IF YOU REALLY CARED ABOUT NATURE YOU'D KILL IT BECAUSE TECHNICALLY IT IS AN INTRODUCED SPECIES ANYWAY! THAT AND YOU SHOULD STOP CARING ABOUT NATURE WHEN IT WANTS YOU ALL DEAD!!!
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