Kicking the Dog

Happy 2010 biatches! As alluded to in my previous post today I will attempt to review Kicking the Dog. Let me open the review by simply stating that Kicking the Dog is, by far, the worst thing I have ever reviewed on Infinite Possiblogities ever. That's right, it's worse than Zoey 101, Gerald McBoingboing and even worse than that wierd novalty egg fryer from Sam's Warehouse. Yep, I've reviewed some horrible abominations of entertainment before but this trumps them all. That said you're probably going to want to know what it actually is right? Well Kicking the Dog is an "Indie Comedy" about a bunch of unlikable douchebags talking about sex. That's really it. It's like if American Pie took itself really, REALLY seriously. I actually read some public reviews on this movie and a lot of people seemed to compare it favourable to other indie comedies like The Clerks and Superbad. But they seemed to be a bit confused, because The Clerks and Superbad are both good and this movie is trash. A friend of mine said it best when he described it as a whole movie of outtakes filmed like the final project for a first year film course at TAFE. But the assness doesn't stop there, oh-ho no. The film has NO character developement at ALL. NONE! I mean there are a dozen characters in this movie and they are all essentially the same. Just a bunch of jerks with stupid hairdo's wearing tight Jay-Jay's shirts and being obnoxious. But worse than that the characters remain unchanged throughout the movie, which is odd because the movie clearly sets up dilema's and dramatic situations that, even though predictable, should end in something changing. Just as an example of this there is this guy who really likes this chick, but then his slimeball cunt of a brother steals her away, fucks her and adds her to the long list of moron's who he has somehow seduced. The younger brother catches him IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ACT and doesn't even raise his voice. He quite literally just shakes his head and walks away. End of subplot. I mean...what the fuck WAS that? It was nothing and the whole movie is made up of stuff like this. It's set up like a college drama comedy but plays out like neither. Worst of all is that the movie is up itself. Throughout the whole movie I can feel every single person who made it jerking off at me. For all the failed goofball comedy and flat drama it's the films smugness that gets me. I mean take a movie like American Pie. It's goofy, over the top and concerned completely with sex and crass humour. You could never call it good, but it also isn't trying to be. Kicking the Dog tries so very hard to be a great indie comedy and it's very proud of the way it turned out even though it is utter garbage. It even had one of those video mantages of the cast just before the end credits as if to say, here's who played all your favourite characters. Maybe it was just so you wouldn't get confused as to which drama school dropout played which nameless dimwit? All it really did was give other film studios a face to attach to the names of the 12 actors that will never, ever work in film again. My friends and I groaned at this movie, writhing around on the couch begging someone to turn it off. When asked about special features I suggested that the movie should have a feature that tells the DVD player to melt the disc with the laser. I really don't know what more to say, it was simply horrible. I imagine that you probably think it couldn't possibly be as bad as I say. So to you I say this. "Go! Go rent that son of a bitch out and watch it from start to finish! Hell drag some friends into the mix if you think that their sarcasm or wit might make the experience more enjoyable. Let me tell you that I'm certain it won't. Watch Kicking the Dog, I double dare you!"