Final Fantasy XIII

Final Fantasy XIII is the latest installment in the increasingly inaccurately titled Final Fantasy series and chronicals the adventures of annoying and boring characters down a linear corridor who stop and pause every now and then to motivate each other. If you think this sounds dull and would like a bit more story the game thoughtfully provides you with a small encyclopedias worth of text to bring you up to speed on the backstory, the current story, the best local cafes, whether or not the characters are into BDSM, etc. So in other words the story is untidy and disjointed. It would be a little like if you were watching a soccer game and every 5-10 mins having the game interrupted by an elderly man reading a few pages of a novel. Except imagine that the soccer game is about 50 hours long.

But maybe your playing the game for the mechanics? Makes sense really seeing as video games are an interactive medium. But then again the fans of the series have always praised the games for their rich storytelling, so maybe that's wishful thinking. But funnily enough the combat is actually good...really good...kind of. My problem is that although the combat system and character developement system is great it takes way, WAY too long to reach it's full potential. In fact you don't have full access to the characters best moves until after you've finished the fucking game, which is stupid design if ever I've seen it. Surely the point of a game is to have all the exciting bits fairly early on or to build it up gradually before reaching a cresendo of orgasmic delight. But in FFXIII the fun is kept to a minimum for most of the storyline. In fact I only really started having proper fun in the post game stuff when the world became vaste and open and my developement tree was completely unlocked.

Many people have asked me in the past how they can make so many Final Fantasy games not realising that for the most part they have nothing in common. The story, characters and settings are almost always completely different. The only things that seem to tie the games together are a few recurring enemies and weapons. So what exactly makes a Final Fantasy game? I have no idea but as I play more of them I've started to think that maybe the only thing that makes a Final Fantasy game a Final Fantasy game is Square-Enix's desire to make money out of it.

So that's Final Fantasy XIII for you. Not too much to say really except that if you DO in fact buy it make sure you have a trained monkey or a passive, friendless nerd to play through the story for you so you can skip straight to the good bits.