National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

Well there's no denying it folks, Christmas is once again almost upon us. I've recently been out looking at the local Christmas lights displays around town (one street in particular provides a massively enjoyable experience in that regard) and I've been Christmas shopping, struggling with my brothers to figure out exactly what it is my mother likes. But it never dawns on me just how close Christmas is until National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation makes its annual appearance on NBN (or Channel 9). It is also the time of year for my annual viewing of NBN because as far as standards go, NBN would be to scum what scum is to us (did you follow that? Feel free to read back over it). So anyway it's Christmas time and Christmas Vacation was on last night and gosh darn it I'm gonna review it in what will be the closest thing to a Christmas Special that Infinite Possiblogities will ever produce.

So anyway speaking of Christmas Specials I thought I'd share with you a little secret, they're bullshit in a stocking. They're so sentimental, sappy and full to the brim of little lessons and holiday well wishing. Any TV show or franchise that produces a Christmas Special is ultimately producing the low point for themselves. I particularly loathe appropriations of Charlse Dickens' 'A Christmas Carol.' But as always there's an exception to the rule and for me that exception is Christmas Vacation. As the third and best movie in the 'Vacation' series, Christmas Vacation attempts to systematically destroy and mock all the Christmas values and traditions that other Christmas Specials try to force down our every orifice. Granted, it is goofy and predictable and has one or two abhorrent actors in it but as far as light-hearted Christmas shennanigens go, this ticks a lot of boxes. If you're wondering what to expect the picture from above is quite telling. It's hit and miss the whole way through, for every fantastic 'driving under a semi' scene there is a ham handed, unnescessary and cheap gag like an old lady saying something random. But really, what the fuck do you want? It's Christmas time and there's fuck all else on. Eventually the movie builds into a rather spectacular climax as Clark Griswald (the father and focal point of the story) acts out what I consider to be the best "flipping out" scene of all time. It has an excellent comic rhythm to it that is unparalleled in my movie going experience. I've lost count of how many times I've seen this movie and it is the one part I still find myself chuckling at.

So really what are you, the reader, to make of this rather baffling review? That's a good question really. Clearly this movie is no masterpiece and yet I find it to be something of a holiday tradition. I guess it confirms my fears that having a distinct christmas theme seems to make people lower their standards. Being overtly critical of a Christmas Special is something of a moot point really. Saying a Christmas Special is bad is like complaining that the manure you ordered is a bit smelly because quite frankly what the fuck were you expecting? So as far as completely dumb movies go this one is one of the better ones and is made more forgivable by it's festive associations.

P.S. If you have any information regarding what my mum is into feel free to let me know. At the moment my brothers and I are working off the theory that she doesn't really like anything per se, but more has a long list of things she has no patience for and then just everything else.

Another Free Online Game

Might I suggest clicking the image to enlarge it, just in case you don't much care for squinting at your computer screen.

This time I don't know what the advertising strategy is. Anyway that's all for now, within a day or two I should be posting up something of higher quality so come back soon.

Evony, Kingory and Bloons TD 4

Never let it be said that I don't suffer for my blog. I know I seem to devote many game reviews to games I quite enjoy but on this day I'm demonstrating my devotion by ploughing through 2 games that I know will be complete shit spread on mouldy bread. I'm sure everyone who's used the internet during to past year or so has seen one of Evony's shameless advertisments. I see them everywhere I go. Evony's ingenious ad campaign seems to revolve entirely around the promise of breasts and being the ruler of a kingdom filled with underwear models. Gee Evony, I appreciate your help and all but in all honesty I'm quite capable of finding my own porn thanks. But anyway for those who are unaware this is an ad for an online video game. An online video game that funnily enough features no breasts, queens or anything more erotic than maybe a phallic building design or two. So I guess what I'm saying is that the ads are a big, jiggly pair of double D lies. What the game is is a dweeby little fantasy massively-multiplayer real time strategy game that looks like this.

WOW! How exciting! The game often promotes itself as "free forever" but really what they SHOULD say is "free forever except for some of the really good stuff that you have to pay for." Buy money or no money means very little if the game is good right? I mean I buy games all the time. But Evony is almost instantly boring. I got in and I immediately wanted out. Leaving and unsubscribing wasn't exactly an intuitive process. I'd walk you through it but to be honest I still don't know how I got out of that shit. This was a frustrating experience made even worse by the fact that even my computer didn't like Evony. My once happy, vibrant little friend was suddenly snarling and snapping at me like I'd dropped it in the bath or something. I guess this was because the game runs on your browser and doesn't "require any installations", a fact that the game itself boasts of. Now at this point some of you might be saying "but online games are as much about the community as they are about the game, surely there is a friendly community of loyal supporters behind this slightly troubled game?" Well far be it from me to judge a community, but let me show you a sample from the chatbox and you can be the judge of the Evony community.

"heyy every1 hu wants tah totally go out widd mah?? some hott dude"

- Evony's Finest Wordsmith

But enough with Evony, what about Kingory, that other game I wanted to flame? Well let me show you an ad for Kingory.

No I didn't post the wrong image. Kingory uses the exact same advertising strategy. More than that, when I registered and started playing I saw this.

And I experienced the same boredom, disgust and lack of sexy ladies as I did with Evony. Infact Kingory is the exact same shit just for people who thought the Yellow (asian) Power Ranger was more attractive than the Pink (regular old whitey) Power Ranger.

You might ask yourselves why I chose to dive into two games that I knew would be shit. So what was the point? To prove to myself that I'm right about the sorry state of the world I guess. But not everything on this post is about rubbish. To make up for the crappy online games I just flamed I thought I'd share one last online flash game called Bloons TD 4. Bloons TD 4 is a quaint little tower defence game that is simple, colourful and addictive; which is really what you want in an online game. Something you can whip out for a few minutes while you wait for your cuppa soup to heat up. The simple elegance of Bloons stands in complete contrast to these overblown, overcomplicated sacks of garbage known as Evony and Kingory. It also didn't need giant knockers to get me to play it.

ABC 3 Launch Special

It seems that for once in my life I am able to talk about something cutting edge in my blog. It's not every day a new TV channel is launched and what with it being a channel that revolves entirely around children and tweens I figured I'd be crazy not to sink my cynical fangs into the soft, supple target that is ABC 3. So last Friday I sat down in front of the TV and watched The Countdown to ABC 3.

Ok, so the countdown was actually on ABC HD but it had the same hosts and shit and it played out like a massive ad for the channel so I figured that it was a good place to start. Speaking of the hosts, you know how I'm constantly accusing children's television hosts of being dumbed down goofballs who unconvincingly act excited and enthusiastic but really when you look into their eyes you can see that they are devoid of all humanity? Well consider my hypothesis once again officially supported because these hosts met every single aspect of my low expectations with open arms. You may detect a hint of extra bitterness as I speak of the hosts because my friend sent in an hilarious audition video for the job and he would have been a thousand times the host that they are. I considered entering also but abandoned all hope after seeing my friends video because I knew that as long as his was so much better than mine I would not get the job. For neither of us to get it and instead have these souless clowns grinning obnoxiously in the faces of all the children from accross Australia just doesn't feel right. Stupid mankind has failed me once again.

Anyway so apart from the hosts tossing about there was a buttload of promotions for the new shows, there were interviews with hosts and actors FROM the new shows, trailors for the new shows and basically just a bunch of dicking around. There was this utterly redundant running gag about this reporter guy looking for the remote to switch the new channel on. Luckily the Prime Minister of Australia Kevin Rudd happened to pick it up on the way in. That's right, the PM was the very last special guest on the countdown. It was kinda weird to watch really. About 5 minutes in he stopped being the father of our nation and turned more into the embodiment of everybody's daggy dad. In a strange way I liked it, it actually humanised the man watching him trying to be hip to all these new shows and the like. I also thought to myself "I'm so glad my dad is not the Prime Minister."

So anyway then the channel was turned on and the hosts started gabbing on some more and began to promote the show they were about to run. Let me come clean with you at this point in case I haven't been clear on the matter, but every single show on ABC 3 was overhyped before they had even premiered. So anyway on came Prank Patrol which is basically a "Punk'd" for kids in which some kid gets to play a prank on a victim of their choice. It's a pretty solid idea let down by an abundance of padding. The most annoying aspect to the padding are the "Prank Ninja's." Just in case you weren't already COMPLETELY sick of ninja's appearing half-arsedly in practically everthing then in comes the Prank Ninja's doing nothing but add unconvincing and annoying gags to the show. Nobody in the show seems to be into the idea in the slightest, but there they are, the fucking Prank Ninja's doing useless shit and giggling like fucking chimps (no joke). I have this other friend (that's at least two that I have) who's into the whole ninja scene and I was just so glad that he wasn't there with me to witness this bastardisation. But at its core Prank Patrol has a very good thing going. You meet the kid, you get a walkthrough on the intricate details of the prank and then you see the whole thing unfold beautifully. My suggestion for improving the show would be to cut out all the unnescesary crap and have two pranks per episode rather than one.

Then on came CJ the DJ. Not much I can really say about it really. It basically consists of bright colours and voice acting that Stephen Hawking could do a better job of. By this stage I was completely worn down from all this ABC 3 buisiness and decided I needed some food and a life so I turned it off at this point. I have to say though for all the negative things I've said the channel does show promise. Just as an interesting side note the old episodes of that 90's television classic Heartbreak High will be shown on ABC 3, I have no recollections regarding the show's premise or quality but I have friends on Facebook who are excited. Does that sound convincing to anyone?

The Big Bang Theory Review

Seeing as how uni is out for summer and I've had a buttload of free time dumped suddenly into my lap I have recently indulged myself with watching episode upon episode of the TV series The Big Bang Theory; an American sitcom to which I have recently become attached. So seeing as how this is a blog and I need something to talk about I decided I'd review and discuss this particular show as I have with many others in the past. Blah blah blah, wank wank wank, let's talk TV.

So anyway, in case you aren't familiar with The Big Bang Theory let me say that it stays fairly true to the sitcoms we've all seen before with the big difference being the nerd and science twist. If sitcoms were chips then geekiness would be the flavour. This may not sound particularly appealing because one might easily identify the word sitcom with the likes of 'Friends' or 'vomit' but one must remember that there exist sitcoms that surpass those "standards" and manage to enduce actually laughter and enjoyment beyond that which the laugh-track provides. So let's skip the sitcom stuff and dive right into what makes The Big Bang Theory stand out. First off I'm going to go with the accuracy to which the geekiness is portrayed. This isn't your average "beat up the guy with the retainer" nerd affair. The show references real comic books, real sci-fi and real video games and consoles. There's an authenticity on display here that shows dedication and respect on behalf of the writer. A physicist is actually employed to work with the writers to give scientific credibilty to the writing in the show. Granted, I'm not a big enough nerd myself to nitpick the aforementioned credibility but the feel of the show is genuine, which counts for a lot in regards to sitcoms.

Another strong aspect of the show are the characters. Leonard is a sympathetic character struggling for the affection of the attractive, 'average Jane' character Penny who lives across the hall. There's an Indian geek who goes mute in the presence of women unless intoxicated and there's the Jewish geek who lives with his mother and fancies himself a "ladies man" despite constantly repulsing them. But trumping them all in terms of both humour and holding interest is the character of Sheldon. Sheldon is almost beyond description as a character. He often fails to recognise sarcasm or irony. He is indifferent to and unaware of the feelings of others. Having been extremely gifted as a child Sheldon has seemingly grown up without developing the ability to socialise properly with other people. As mentioned before, it's hard to describe what kind of character he really is and that's what's so intruiging about him. In a genre that has quite the reputation for being stale and predictable in walks Sheldon obsessing and lecturing and shaking all expectations to the ground and stomping on them.

Now onto the murkier grounds where I admit that a show I like isn't perfect and identify areas of weakness. Now be warned, if you haven't yet watched up to season 3 and don't want it spoiled you may want to stop reading right now you pansy-motherfuckers. Anyway so in season 3 Leonard finally lucks out and wins the heart of Penny and for the season so far they have been a couple. Coming from a lonely, disillusioned single man with a certain level of geekiness I often felt sympathy for the Leonard character and was able to identify with him at times. Now that he has a hot girlfriend the romantic thrill from the show has died down a bit and Leonard has stopped being sympathetic. I can't sympathise so well with the man when I know that overall he's happy because he has someone and I don't. But personal issues aside the fact of the matter is that the show is running the risk of playing itself out and turning into a semi-soapie-comedy thing unless it takes a step back and really figures out where it wants to take the overarcing plot. The main story thread for the first two seasons was the friendship/unrequited romance between Penny and Leonard and now that the show has reached that goal it seems to be winging it a bit in trying to extend itself beyond that plot. But despite this the show is still good and still worth my precious, precious free time so at present I recommend it. Now if you're lucky I'll stumple across a TV show I dislike intensely and we can count how many times I curse in the review.

PS. I didn't know quite where to slot this in but the Big Bang Theory has one of the most bitchin' theme songs of all time.

Job Hunt Round 4

Now that exams are over and uni is finished for the year my once chocablock timetable has become a free time overload. So before I swing back into the blog scene brandishing clever observations and insightful opinions I thought I'd serve up a slice of my life and watch as you politely but begrudgingly eat it up. So anyway, after several days of lounging around and catching up with my good old friends (video games) my father expressed a certain desire to see my brothers and I pick up some work for over the 3 month break. I hate these times in my life. I hate job hunting, especially in my town. I have no fucking idea how to get my foot in the door. I dish out my resume and apply all over and I never seem to get anywhere. If I have an interview I can guarantee I'll be chasing them up a week after they were supposed to be calling me. I don't know quite what it is. I am certain that my resume is well presented and clearly identifies my previous work experiences which display a great variety of skills. I have prepared food, cut down trees, poisoned weeds, built fences, planted trees, painted fences, stacked shelves, constructed shop displays and worked registers. All of these tasks I took quite seriously and employers seemed to appreciate a certain level of commitment in me. Then there's my various qualifications such as a Cert. II in Conservation and Land Management and my Responsible Service of Alcohol. Nothing I put on my resume ever seems to improve it and I just don't get it. So it is with a certain low level of expectation that I resign myself to the disheartening task of finding myself my fourth job. It's not that I don't want the work or that I don't try very hard to get it, it's just I hate the slim opportunities and not being given the chance to prove myself a valuable employee.

Yes I realise there's nothing funny or interesting in this post.

Wuthering Heights (The 2009 Two Part Series)

Emily Bronte's Wuthering Heights is probably the best thing I've ever been forced to read. After reading it the compulsory one time in year 11 at high school I immediately set out and bought my own spiffy copy of it so that I may read it again. It goes up there amongst The Catcher in the Rye, The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy and Catch-22 in my favourites of all time list. There's a delicate interplay of opposing forces in this book that I really love. Love and revenge. Tenderness and brutality. Religion and the supernatural. Sophisticated man and wild nature. At it's very core Wuthering Heights is a gothic romance that goes unrequited and is destined to destroy all those around it. So when I saw the ads on ABC for a television adaptation I immediately stamped it down in my mental diary and waited with curiousity to see how one of my favourite books of all time would be treated.

If you are unfamiliar with the general plot of Wuthering Heights let me fill you in. One day the wealthy owner of an estate called Wuthering Heights goes into town and brings home an orphaned child of possible gypsy decent into his home for adoption for some reason. He calls the boy Heathcliff and raises him as one of his own alongside the initially perplexed biological children Hindley and Catherine. Catherine eventaully warms to the boy and they become really close while Hindley acts like a complete cunt, treating him like a servant or slave. Things only get worse years later when their father dies and Hindley inherits the estate, treating Heathcliff in a most cruel manner for winning the affections of his father and sister. So romances and bitter rivalries are set up. More characters are introduced. Misunderstandings and selfish mistakes ensue. Hearts are broken left right and centre and more bitter rivalries are set up. Then finally the tensions are built into a beautiful crecendo of brutal revenge, passion and cruelty. Then the whole thing ends with cousines marrying each other but that's really not important. The narrative itself spans almost 50 years and it can get a bit hard to follow the different characters within the different time periods (the fact that there is a Catherine Earnshaw and a Catherine Linton is particularly confusing). But the plot is pretty solid and well played out even if I do make it sound like an amature drama, Bold and the Beautiful style dog's breakfast.

'But what of the actual production?' I hear you cry out like the well educated and sophisticated fanbase that you are. Well let me first say that I had some very real reservations about this series. Wuthering Heights is a classic in English literature and many attempts have been made in the past to adapt it to either movie or tv. They range from somewhat lacking to an absolutely souless, abomination made by MTV that took the text out of the isolated, turbulent moors of the novel and into a horrible teen drama world with Heathcliff being renamed Heath. But I am happy to say that this adaptation does the original text justice. It knew which angles to take at which points. It knew how to make each and every character so horribly flawed but yet sympathetic and human. It did everything really well. The cast was unfamiliar to me but I'm sure there is some epic bonnet drama enthusiest who'll know who they are but let me tell you that they were spot on. Sure, I had my initial doubts about the actor playing Heathcliff, something about his voice didn't immediately gel. Sure it sounds fussy but Heathcliff is like the most complex and excellent character in the book and if they fucked him up that would be game over in my books. But the man knew what he was doing and I became really immersed in the drama. That said, the first half of the series is definately the weaker of the two. If this adaptation was a disaster movie, the first part would be the annoying character developing stuff at the start where the hero works a dead end job and has 2 kids that his ex-wife won't let him see. Part 2 is the nice beefy intense stuff that I found myself completely drawn into. I came away from the whole production remembering exactly why I loved the book so much and in my eyes if an adaptation makes you do that then it's definately a success.