Are YOU Prepared?

Went to the cinema last night with my friends to see The Watchmen. I'll probably end up talking about The Watchmen in a future post but for now we're focusing on the previews. There was a particularly lame trend in the movie previews and it wasn't just the "coming this summer" husky voiced American douchebag doing all the voiceovers. It was the fact that every single movie was a disaster movie (except maybe one more "thriller" style movie about taking a subway hostage or some shit but it's pretty similar really). But seriously it was freaking rediculous. The third trailer started with school children joyously opening a school time capsule and I jokingly said to my friend "and now everybody will die" and as if cued by my words the trailors tone shifted and mass deaths were being alluded to all over the place. Apparently what has been unleashed upon the world is a lack of creativity. Maybe they should base a disaster movie on me wherein my wry, hilarious jokes somehow come true in devastating ways. In fact to save Hollywood from its apparent "good ideas" drought I thought I'd sketch up a rough outline of my movie.

I would obviously have to be played by someone as funny and devilishly charasmatic as my good self. Will Smith would be my suggestion. Now I would go about my daily life making the wise-cracks that have made me the popular lad I am today and then I'd go home to watch the evening news where it would turn out my witissism was, in fact, bang on the money. At first my closest friends and I would shrug it off as coincidence but then it would become apparent that my jokes were capable of altering the future in frightening ways. Then there'd be some soul searching, a romance would develope somewhere, chuck in a car chase. In the end the remainder of humanity turns against me but in some stirring final scenes the crowd are convinced that a world without me would be an even bleaker one. I've even got a trailer scripted.

Voice over - Coming this summer...
Me - ...and then I told him his haircut looked like shit
My Friends - hahahahaha
Voice over - ...a man must choose...
Some Old Guy - You know one of these days your joking around is going to land you in trouble
Voice over - ...between the world he loves...
Evening News - Local boy ran into trouble today when a sewage pipe burst next to him today, drenching him in feces.
My Friend - hey, wasn't that the guy you were joking about?
Voice over - ...and his humour
Me - The things I've been joking about...they're coming true
Friend - (yelling) I don't think I find you so funny anymore!
Another Friend - Why don't you just joke about something good?
(car chase scene)
(Fireball through a tunnel)
(A makeout/mild sex scene)
Me and Friend (looking at each other) - nah

(action montage then movie title)

Old Guy - The world can be a depressing place sometimes
Me - That's when we need laughter the most

(The screen with the website and shit)

I think it's going to be great. I kinda thought as a special offer to the people who know me personally you now have the opportunity to suggest actors/actresses to play youselves. Just drop a comment. Don't be shy.

Cosplay Porn

After a debate I had with myself about moral hygene I finally decided to upload this image (it's down a little further, oh and I wouldn't look at it around parents or at work either) and earn my content advisory message that appears when you try to access this page. I guarantee it's relenvant to my topic and if you find it offensive you should just be glad I edited out the more "offensive" bits (or the "exciting" bits if you are horney). Anyway, potential controversy aside and on to the REAL topic of todays post. Once again it's about porn but on this occasion I'm actually going reveal to you this amazing idea I recently had to make porn about 200% better. I asume that all of my audience has been exposed to some level of pornography, you are reading this off the internet after all. I also assume that a fair hunk of you enjoy porn on a number of levels and to a certain extent. Now something quite a number of people find a bit corny or cheezy is the scenarios or fantasies that the pornstars play out. Of course some of you may like them aswell, who knows? Anyway I guess the reason they exist is so that certain fantasies can be fullfilled for the viewer (to a certain extent). But the reason people find them cheesy I daresay is because they are done in such a cornball way and theydon't offer any real emotion at all. Here's where my idea comes in. What if there were porn scenarios based around popular charaters from TV, movies or even (dare I even say it) videogames. Now I am aware that obviously some actors and actresses won't be up for having sex with each other, camera or otherwise, and were only willing the sleep with the director to get in the movie (haw haw haw). So what comes next is cosplaying. Pornographic actors and actresses should get into some costumes before they go at it. It doesn't have to be distasteful either. What I think would be ideal would be if the director who did the movie/tv series/whatever made some story relevant porn which would come on, say, an optional DVD? You know how some movies imply that sex took place and you're a little disappointed that you didn't get to see it? This is where my idea happens. The potential result could be porn that we can feel an emotional connection to. I'm actually really curious about what my readers will think so feel free to comment. Just to give you a bit of an idea I thought I'd edit the pic to include some poular characters.