Why Golf is the Only Sport That Isn't Evil

I sometimes wonder if my posts ever alienate people. Here I am perched atop my ivory tower casting stones at things that I know some of my readers like and praising things that I don't think my readers would have heard of. I have, on occasion, chosen not to post on certain topics knowing full well that the topic would cause resentment amoungst certain readers. When I grew to dislike many aspects of the show Skins, a show I once thought very highly of and many of my friends still do, I chose not to blog about it for fear of direct confrontation. But that was when my blog was more popular, so now I say "fuck it" and type whatever I want about whatever I want. I say this because I had made a remark several weeks ago to a reader about how I thought sports were a very frivolous and pointless endeavor only to be reminded, to my embarrassment, that she plays hockey. Luckily she's not the kind of person who is easily offended by such bold and careless remarks and so I feel that I am quite safe in not alienating at least one reader of mine with todays post. Speaking of todays post, perhaps it's time I stopped mouthing off and got down to buisness.

Ok so as briefly mentioned just before, I think sport is silly. It occured to me one evening that sports have no artistic merits and don't educate us or make us better people in any way. Sure there's the entertainment value, but sport is so cyclic and endless it kinda depresses me. Your team wins some, it looses some, players are constantly replaced and then eventually you're dead, while your team and your sport are constantly being reborn. I do find myself getting into certain events like the Soccer World Cup or the Olympics, but that's about it and it's mostly for the bonding that goes along with it. So it is for this reason that I boldly implied that all sports are evil in the title.

But then there's the implied exception, golf. Golf is very often thought of as a boring sport, especially in terms of spectating. While I agree that golf is absolutely no fun to watch I have to say I see much more appeal in it. Golf is a sport you play at your own pace, in a variety of nicely landscapped outdoor environments and it's not the kind of heavy, endurance sport that you can only play well for a few decades before permanently fucking up some precious bodypart. I like it like that, I could see myself playing golf more often. Also, with other sports the places you play are very much the same. An olympic sized swimming pool for example is always mostly the same. A golf course on the other hand will display much variety between different courses. It keeps you on your toes and will mean you never get too bored with the scenery.

So anyway I dunno really how I should wrap this all up. I guess it would be inproper of me to slander sport like I just have without also acknowledging that I have always been crap at physical activities. I had shitty motorneurone skills that I needed to develope at a special school thing and I always felt left out because I was so fucking useless at everything. So now that I'm all jaded and emotionally dead with a nice blog I can enact revenge on all the things that turned me into the monster I am today. So golf, I like you, you never made me feel like an inadequate man. All other sport *starts crying* FUCK YOU! *Runs to phone his psychiatrist*

The Endless Eight

The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya is Fantastic. You may remember me praising it a little while back after purchasing the first season on DVD. I also said I would gladly pay for more. Well thanks to the wonders of subtitles and the internet I have been able to stream the episodes of the second season online so that I don’t have to wait forever for the fucking PAL DVD to come out. I honestly wasn’t thinking I needed to do another post on TMOHS; it’s still the same show, it’s still really good and it still stirs all sorts of dormant emotions in me. But then I saw the Endless Eight.

The Endless Eight is something of a miniseries within the series with the over-arcing story about the characters in the show being trapped in an endlessly repeating summer holidays, a predicament that only we, the viewer, are aware of most of the time. That’s really all you should know about the plot to understand my point, so I’ll leave it at that. But what I found really interesting and indeed conflicting about this concept was that it meant seeing what eight episodes that were virtually the same with the exception of some very subtle differences to the dialogue and the costumes as well as some big differences in presentation and tone at times. Essentially I felt these changes were too little. The reason I’m conflicted about this is because it was definitely a bold creative decision to present the plot in this way and it certainly makes an impact upon the viewer. There’s no denying it was used to immerse the watcher in the cyclic hopelessness of the situation and there were times I really felt it, screaming at the oblivious characters to act differently and break the horrible loop. I can’t deny that I got the same sense of being trapped that the characters felt but ultimately I also think it was too much. It was clever, it was bold and it had a tremendous impact on me. But at eight episodes in length I wondered on several occasions just why they felt it had to be so damn long. If it were four episodes long as opposed to eight I would’ve had no complaints and no conflicted thoughts, but I guess I’ll just have to live with the choices they made.

The Endless Eight

The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya is awesome. I said so myself a little while back after purchasing the first season on DVD. I also said I couldn’t wait for more. Well thanks to the wonders of subtitles and the internet I have been able to stream the episodes of the second season online way before they’re likely to make a western, PAL region appearance. To be honest I wasn’t thinking I would do another post on TMOHS; it’s still the same show, it’s still really good and it still stirs all sorts of dormant emotions in me. But then came the Endless Eight.

The Endless Eight is something of a miniseries within the series with the concept that the characters in the show have been unaware of the fact that the same three weeks or so have been replaying themselves over and over. I don’t want to give too much of the plot away, so I’ll leave it at that. But what I found really interesting and indeed conflicting about this concept was that it meant seeing what was essentially the same episode eight times. There were some very subtle differences to the dialogue and the costumes as well as some big differences in presentation and tone at times but essentially I felt this was too little. The reason I’m conflicted about this is because it was definitely a bold creative decision to present the plot in this way and it certainly affects the viewer. It was definitely used to immerse the watcher in the cyclic hopelessness of the situation and there were times I really felt it, screaming at the oblivious characters to act differently and break the hideous loop. You can’t deny that you get the same sense of being trapped that the characters feel but ultimately I also think it was too much. It was clever, it was bold and it had a tremendous impact on me. But I felt it all would’ve been much more effective if it had been half as long. If it were four episodes long I would’ve had no doubts in my mind that this was a brilliant idea that took a whole lot of balls to execute.

My Favourite Posts

This is more for people who have not had the luxury of knowing me for very long or not being completely on board with my blog from day one. To make your lives slightly easier I've compiled a list of what I consider to be the funniest or most important of my blogs. It basically halves the content for you, which is handy. The list is in order from oldest to newest, which I felt is the most helpful order to read them in. I haven't included ANY videogame reviews, but I have included some gaming related posts that I feel are entertaining enough to keep.

1. Losing My Blogging Virginity
2. The Vanishing Cheez
3. The Sus Side of DK
4. The Infinite Possiblogities Guide to Doing a Beardy
5. Entertainment Industry 101
6. Victoria Roberts is Shit
7. This Is How I Will Lose My Fans
8. Olympic Opening Ceremony
9. Weatherwoman
10. A Day in the Life
11. Today on Infinite Possiblogities; Mr.B Reviews a Sack of Porn
12. 9 Songs
13. Goodbye Beijing
14. A Look Back on the Games
15. What's the Point
16. Beam Me Up
17. Sonic VS. Mario
18. The Celebration
19. The Infinite Possiblogities Guide to Blogging
20. "i got the hat and the t-shirt lol love em haha x"
21. My Apologies
22. The Infinite Possiblogities Guide to Being a Villain
23. I Told You My Paranoia Would Pay Off
24. If Life Were a Videogame: Lesson One - Sleeping
25. Live from the Shelves of Sam's Warehouse
26. Today's Mystery Shop Item Is Hippie Chick Deodorant
27. If Life Were a Videogame: Lesson Two - Social Interactions
28. The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya Review
29. The Infinite Possiblogities Guide to Taking Down a Christmas Tree
30. Martin Morning
31. Based on Books Part 1 and Part 2
32. The Joys of Physical Education
33. If Life Were a Videogame - Katamari's
34. My Life at University
35. An Update on Morning TV
36. Over-Analysing the Merchant
37. Are YOU Prepared?
38. Watchmen Review
39. Pros and Cons of Having an Afro
40. The Great Facebook Experiment
41. Why Would Anyone Want to Become a Geologist?
42. The Fattest Reject
43. The Infinite Possiblogities Guide to Diabetes Prevention
44. The Real Message in Romeo and Juliet
45. Daria - Review and Rant
46. Welcome to School Girl Internal
47. Channel V and Modern Music - An Infinite Possiblogities Rant
48. An Evening with Jeff Goldblum
49. Christians Uncut - Bashing the Bible Bashers

I know it seems like a lot but there are a fair few short ones in there. I dunno whether anyone will bother using it, but for what it's worth, it's up there.

Doctors, Doctors, Doctors (and Uninspired Titles)

As an ex-epileptic, type one diabetic who's prone to ocassional asthma attacks and grew up with shitty motorneurone skills you might be right in saying I've seen a lot of doctors in my time. At the rate I'm going I'm sure I'll manage to rack up a few more medical impedments along lifes long (or perhaps short) road.

Something I've noticed about the medical industry is how cyclic it is. Every once in while (a year or two, I can't remember) I have to go back to my GP so that he can refer me back to the doctor I see for my diabetes. Then every once in a whie I'm referred to another specialist to check up on various "complications prone" organs like my eyes or kidneys. Don't get me wrong, this isn't my usual bitch sesh, I need to ride the medical industry rollercoaster so that I can go on living and complaining about everything else.

But then there's the medical certificates. When I look at medical certificates I find myself in great confusion. On the surface it seems straightforward. People need proof that you were too sick to perform a certain task and you go to the doctor who confirms it by giving you a medical certificate. It sounds fair enough but upon closer examination it gets a bit weird. Like what if you can't get in to see a doctor right away? That's ok because the whole process is fairly relaxed about it. Doctors will usually write you up a certificate AFTER you've been sick and most places will accept certificates given to them late if they're given some sort of warning in advance. As a very recent example my brother was very ill earlier in the week and lacked the energy and fitness to attend a Chemistry Test at uni. He emailed the lecturer to let him know and then started phoning around for appointments. All the town doctors were booked solid, so he tried the university medical centre and made an appointment for a few days down the track. He said he needed a medical certificate for that day and they pretty much said "it's alright, we'll do you one that'll cover you for a few days back." So basically they're saying that, regardless of how he presents symptom wise on the day, my brother will get a medical certificate saying that he was to sick to do the test. Which I'm ok with, because he really was, but it does make the whole thing seem redundant. Well, redundant for everyone except the doctors who get paid to write out a simple note.

The Latest Buzz

Apparently I'm falling into something of a TV-reviewing rut at the moment but you know something? Fuck it. I saw something I wanted to write about and I'm going to god-dammit. So anyway I was watching ABC Kids this afternoon and good old The Latest Buzz came on and the "soft target" alarms immediately droned in my skull.

"But what is The Latest Buzz?" I hear you ask. Well, Infinite Possiblogitonians (aka loyal fans) cast your minds way, way back (probably about 100 posts ago) to the time I reviewed a truely insipid show called Zoey 101. Well imagine Zoey 101 where the kids write for a magazine and add a laugh track. There you go, The Latest Buzz. As you may or may not recall I applied my usual cynicism to the show and made a general point about how these tween, Disney Channel clones are re-churned, out of the cocain-addled minds that dictate what we watch, every time the young stars are seen to be behaving in any way resembling a normal human being and not merely a larger version of the Officially Licenced Dolls. Sentence too long and confusing for you? In other words they axe the show when the kid is photographed topless and they replace it with what is essentially the same show with a brand new, squeaky-clean cast. And that's exactly what The Latest Buzz is like, as if it rose from the ashes of Zoey 101. It's the same old characters you know and love (or not) from Lizzy McGuire, sure they look different but I promise that after a few seconds you'll be predicting their lines. I've provided a visual aid to help illustrate my point.


See what I'm saying? Yes I know there's no apparent nerd character in The Latest Buzz's cast picture BUT in the episode I saw just now there WAS a nerd character, so suck on that! But, to it's credit, although I could never call The Latest Buzz good, it's not really bad either. When I watch it it just doesn't lacerate my brain the way Zoey 101 used to. Funnily enough it's points that I'd usually consider to be bad that I think save it. The laughter track and the way the show is so self-aware it feels like it's nudging and winking at you somehow save it from being as BAD as Zoey 101, which is interesting. I guess it's mainly because Zoey 101 felt like it took itself so damn seriously even though it was completely rediculous. The Latest Buzz just feels like stupid, harmless fun and when compared to Zoey 101 actually looks decent, which says a lot more about Zoey 101's quality than about the quality of The Latest Buzz.

P.S. I forgot to mention how The Latest Buzz's theme song is *massive sigh* sung by one of the actresses, but I'm sure my cleverclogs readers would probably of guessed that anyway.

The Bitch Genre

Like my Channel V music rant from a while back this story begins with me eating lunch at the university cafe being forced into watching the pay TV. I've mentioned before how I think TV is a dying medium desperately trying to reignite our passion and watching pay TV only serves to magnify the issue. In other words pay TV is shit. If you've seen something on commercial television that you thought was bad then chances are theres a whole entourage of bullshit just like it on pay TV.

Now one of the new tricks that television is slamming down our eyeballs is what I like to call the Bitch Genre. The Bitch Genre has the following generic signifiers

• Girls fighting
• Girls crying
• Girl-on-camera expositional bitch sessions
• Judges trying to be edgey

I'm sure you know what shows I mean here, these shows are self-serving, egotistical, rating grabbing rubbish. I remember seeing an episode of America's Next Top Model in which Tyra Banks spent a considerable amount of time patting herself on the back for coming up with the idea of a photoshoot in which the models emerge from the water. What the fuck Tyra, are you kidding me!?! Practically every fucking magazine I've ever opened in my life has done that, I would go trying to patent that shit just yet. And How many seasons of Idol do we have to endure before we realise that not a single talented person has come out of that fucking competition? Can't anyone see these shows for what they really are? They get a bunch of sexy young morons and lock them into a competition so that they may humiliate themselves in a desperate attempt to grab the spotlight; and for what? So that we develope a correlation between success and incompotence? So we can be reminded that no matter how hard we try there's always someone who's far better and most likely a complete, narcisistic cunt? Who needs this shit? I don't. Most people watch shit like this because it's on while they eat and unfortunately that makes shows like these far more popular than they ever deserved to be. It's one of those things where people say to me "Don't pretend you don't know this show, I know it's bad but everyone watches it" which is a question I seem to cop alot in regard to Friends and Neighbours to which I reply "I don't!" I recently watched the complete series of Yes Minister and Yes Prime Minister which is extremely clever and, at the time, very popular. People were astounded that a show so intricate and complex with it's portrayal of political life could make itself available and enjoyable to so many people. The show's creator was questioned on the matter and to completely misquote him said "give the public more credit and stop broadcasting shit" and I completely agree.

P.S. He didn't really say that part about broadcasting shit