The Sus Side of DK

I've noticed something quite strange recently. It's actually something a friend and I noticed a while ago; but I thought it was a one-off occurrence and didn't count on it becoming a trend. I wonder if anyone else has noticed that Donkey Kong has been sounding a little off recently? My friend Dave first noticed it playing Mario Strikers: Charged Football on the Wii and we laughed at the absurd DK immitation. I haven't heard DK sound the same since then. Mario Kart Wii confirmed it; DK's voice has undergone a seemingly permanent transformation. The first question I would like to ask the world at large is "why the fuck would they change DK's voice?" I mean I guess if the old voice actor quit or died or something they might feel the need to replace him but if you think about it Donkey Kong's voices in the past have simply been a roster of grunts and yells. Could't they just recycle the old sounds? I swear that's what they used to do anyway. Considering Nintendo are so into maintaining their oldschool image I can't help but wonder what happened that brought about this change in one of their oldest and most loved characters. I hope they don't think we haven't noticed (I'm not the only one...am I?). Don't get me wrong, I'm all for change. But only if it's a change for the better. All this change does is make make us laugh at it's absurdity. Is that a change worth encouraging? Perhaps Nintendo, on the off-chance you're actually reading this, you should try and make peace with the old voice actor. Buy them flowers and singing tellagrams of appology. Maybe you could make them playable characters in the next inevitable Mario Kart or Smash Bros. game; just to show them you care. I have no idea how you fucked this up but I'd like to see it fixed. If all else fails just copy and paste the audio from DK64.

Also check out this clip from the Donkey Kong Country TV series. One word...sus.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q_Y2xPBplqI&feature=related

The Vanishing Cheez

Is it just me or is the lobotomized, bleached blond, surfer demographic severely over-represented in today's kids shows? What the hell happened to quality TV show hosts? What ever happened to Cheez TV? I used to love that show. Not only did it make school mornings bearable it was aslo the source of many quality Kids shows like Sailor Moon and Pokemon. Not only that but the hosts were actually entertaining and a pleasure to watch. But the show and the hosts were one day simply gone. Vanished. Never to be seen again. Having watched shows like The Shak and Big Arvo where the hosts fall into the characatures of The Bimbo, The Science Guy and the (groan) Crazy, Outrageous Guy; it was nice to have hosts that you could respect and admire. I never once felt that Jade or Ryan were dumbing themselves down or going for the cheap laughs. They did many parodies and even had a News Reporter character called Dick Wad. Fuck that's ballsy. You may wonder why I even care what's on in the mornings given that I no longer go to school and therefore don't often rise from my slumber before lunchtime; but really it's not about me. It's the new generation that misses out. I'll always have my fond memories and all the kids of today get are crappy old Toasted TV with Pip (The bubbley chick) and Dan (the...*shudder*...Crazy, Outrageous Guy). So while the Cheezoid generation grows up and moves on the sun sets on possibly the last good kids TV show and hosts. So I'd like to raise my glass in a toast to the memories of Cheez TV; the show that never tried too hard to grab our attention, but managed to anyway.

What I thought of Kingdom Hearts

Let me just get something off my chest. It's been bugging me a while and now that I finally have my very own blog it seems like a good time to just stand up and say..."Kingdom Hearts is seriously overated!" Ok so I'm only 3 posts in and I've already started ranting on video games but right now this is all I wanna talk about. Anyway back to Kingdom Hearts. For those unfamiliar with the game the concept is pretty much a Final Fantasy-Disney crossover. The concept was supposedly conceived when Squaresoft producer Shinji Hashimoto met a Disney executive in an elevator. I can understand how it might've sounded charming and magical to them but for the most part the story and execution feels quite mishmashed and lacking. Perhaps the real conception took place when Shinji Hashimoto dropped acid at Disneyland. To anyone who isn't lucky enough to have done this at some point the story is nothing more than familiar characters and settings strung together with flimsy cliches. Hearts? Keyblades? The Heartless? Donald, Goofy and Sephiroth? WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!?!

The gameplay isn't particularly exciting either. When the game isn't being a weak imitation of Ocarina of Time it's being a completely shit version of Lylat Wars. Too often you're required to merely wander around, hacking and slashing, until a cutscene is triggered. Enemy design is for the most part pretty boring, consisting mostly of a large cast of black blobs. Boss battles on the other hand are actually quite alot of fun and feature many familiar Disney antagonists. If only they weren't watered down with the rest of the game. I honestly can't understand why this game got such positive reviews. At best I'd say that Kingdom Hearts is an interesting idea executed in a mediocre fashion. There's some fun to be had and some magical moments but I'd find it hard to recomment to someone without giving them some serious warnings.

My Sleeping Patterns

Day 2. Just managing to squeeze this entry in before Day 3. Not alot to report on the day's events. I woke up and as per usual I was in my own bed which means famiarity and comfort for me and boredom and tedium for my readers (assuming I have any). I realise of course that some bloggers can get away with minimalist posts but I probably can't and so under the circumstances I am forced to get a little bit creative. So on the topic of my bed I thought I'd share with you a little quirk I have whilst I'm trying to sleep in it (settle down folks, it's not THAT exciting). You see the thing is I absolutely MUST face the door of my bedroom whilst sleeping. The reason? Part paranoia and part funiture arrangement. You see my bed is against the wall opposite the door. Meaning that if I roll over and face the other way whilst sleeping my back is exposed to virtually all of the rest of the room; thus leaving me completely vulnerable to surprise attacks during the night. I realise it's pretty irrational but whenever I face the wall I feel susceptable to sneaky stabbings. If I hear a noise or sense anything that would alert me to the presence of an unwanted intruder I would lose critical response seconds (not to mention the old "pretend to be asleep then bludgeon them with the bedside lamp" trick) because I would have to roll over. You could argue of course that I'm nothing more than a paranoid scaredy-cat but one simple fact still remains. I never face the wall and I never get stabbed in my sleep. I'll leave it for the people to decide.

Losing My Blogging Virginity

Well, here I am. I finally caved in to outragous demand and made myself a web log. Of course, given the fact that I'm currently both unemployed and slightly introverted it was only a matter of time before I found myself "blogging." So come on in and make yourself at home. I only ask that you please remove your shoes before coming in; the carpeting is all brand new afterall. If you are, by some bizarre twist of fate, not a close friend or family member then you are probably wondering what I have to offer as far as blogging is concerned. Well that is a question I cannot yet answer; as a blogging noob it will be interesting to see how this all turns out. It will also be interesting to see if I can keep this thing up, although my money would be on me packing it in by week 3, but you never know. At this stage the Possiblogities are endless.

P.S. At this early stage self-reference and bad puns are probably a very bad sign.