Hardcore, Casual and Leet

Ok, lets just say for the sake of argument that you aren't one of my close friends. Now you've probably been able to piece together enough about me to figure out that I'm a bit of a gamer. Oh yes, I enjoy a good old chat about the merrits of games like Braid and Half-Life 2 and throwing in the odd Portal quote that'll cause a few raised eyebrows amoungst those whom are unenlightened. One thing you WILL NOT EVER find me doing is "leet speaking" on some horrid online game. I will also never ever spell leet with numbers (eg. 1337) because that is just completely fucked on a multitude of levels. I am not the only gamer out there who feels that they are looked down upon because of their passion but I feel that if you're going to carry on like a complete arsehole by simultaneously bastardising the English language and spreading racial hate then you somewhat forefit your right to complain because you are so seriously part of the problem. Another recent trend in gaming I cannot stand is the labelling of games as "hardcore" and "casual." No matter what you think, pigeonholing games into stupid little categories like that is really just as arbitrary as arguing which current generation console is the best. In other words let me just proclomate...

"A good game is a good game, no matter what else you say about it"

-Mr.B

That perhaps sounds a little too optimistic. Because whilst douchebags call themselves 1337 and abuse the casual gamers they'll hold up the "harcore" games like sparkling jewels despite the fact that they might be complete shit. What exactly makes Halo 3 hardcore? Is it because you shoot stuff or is it just because you have to be super devoted to put up with the shitty AI, clumsy self-awareness and a multiplayer that lags like a motherfucker? And more to the point what makes a casual game? Most people label a casual game because it can be easily enjoyed by most people. If so then why would you hate casual games? I'll tell you why. Because leet speaking dickheads love to think of themselves as hardcore gamers. So just to wrap things up, the following things can be added to my list of complete disdain...

1. leet speak
2. the division of games into Hardcore and Casual
3. the majority of the online community

Feel free to point out spelling errors, gramatical errors and tell me how you dislike my more serious blogs and I'll hook you up with a spot on the list.

They Don't Make Them Like This Anymore

I know that at least a few of you can remember this game. Alex Kidd in Miracle World. I was playing this game with a friend this afternoon and let me tell you it can be pretty hard. Punching Pterodactils (a good spelling attempt there) in the face, jumping lava pits, running from ghosts and challenging bosses to rock, paper, scizzors can actually be pretty tough. It occured to me that games just aren't like this anymore. They've softened up. Become easier. Partly, I feel, due to better design, but more so due to the fact that video games are becoming a very popular form of entertainment. But in an attempt to please everyone games have started to lose their edge in some respects. This is probably why we're seeing such a strong return of the "oldschool" gaming era (particularly with the Super Nintendo). Don't get me wrong, I think that there are alot of fantastic games in the modern era (Portal, Braid, Zelda and Metroid just to name a few) and I think more are soon to come. But I don't remember the last time I felt as on edge as I felt this afternoon as I sat up, ridged as fuck, taping the jump and punch buttons, trying to time everything PER-FECT-LY! It was simple, punishing and addictive. The game wailed on us furiously but we always came back for more, just to see if we could push ourselves that little bit further into the next level. There are no saved games in Alex Kidd; game over sends you all the way back with nothing at all. All you can do is hope you've learned from your previous mistakes. Alex Kidd was never a perfect game and soon the ex-mascot would be tossed aside in favour of Sega's more well-known Sonic the Hedgehog. But Alex Kidd is a reminder of just how far we've come in the past couple of decades in terms of gaming and just how much as changed. For better and for worse.

Kameo Review

Kameo is a fairly old Xbox 360 game by now but I've recently played it through so I thought I'd have a shot at reviewing it. The story goes that Kameo's sister, Kalus, is a jealous bitch who, in reaction to Kameo inheriting the powers she wanted, awakens the King of the Trolls, Thorn. Kameo has her powers stolen and must get them back again one by one and then beat Thorn blah blah blah. The plot isn't that exciting or complex because this is a game for all ages. That's not to say it's a kids game exactly, more like, say, a Mario or Banjo Kazooie game that can be enjoyed by everyone for any number of reasons. Kameo is not, however, as good as Banjo Kazooie (both games incidentally are made by Rare). Throughout the game I felt that Kameo actually came close to being a great game at times but there was always a control issue or bad design that constantly inhibited the fun. Pressing both triggers at the same time to execute a specific attack, for example, is unnecessarily clumsy when the 2 perfectly good bumper buttons go unused. Character movement also feels a bit loose at times, with the controls either being over sensitive or unresponsive. Another example of bad design is when you are given the task of protecting a giant...thing while he walks along and breaks down gates for you. Sounds reasonable enough but protection missions can be pretty shitty sometimes and this one was particularly bad when the giant was crossing a bridge and in the process blocking it off from me. So whilst I struggled to circumnavigate this large creature about 20 enemies were happily slicing at his giant Achilles tendons, completely unchallenged. The game is also a little short but I can't say that I found this to be too much of a problem because had it in fact been any longer it would've only drawn more attention to it's lacking design. Anyway, in the end Kameo is a short game that can be gotten relatively cheaply these days. There's enjoyment hidden away behind some flaws but maybe Kameo would be best enjoyed as a rental, not a purchase. 7/10

The Thursday Morning Ritual Plus Some Other Shit

This morning I got up and like I did last Thursday (and indeed have done practically every Thursday since about Christmas) I watched the new Zero Punctuation video. Zero Punctuation is a weekly video game review series by a guy called Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw who incidentally landed himself a job through his own website, or indeed, blog. Don't think I haven't noticed all you folks out there on "the web" casting doubt on the whole blog scene in what I can only assume is an undercover attempt to create a blog, infiltrate the community and bring us down from the inside. You don't fool me though, I can spot that fake moustache a kilometer off (we do use metric after all). Anyway, Zero Punctuation is worth checking out, even if you aren't really a gamer.

Here's a link http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation

Anyway this week he reviews Braid. A game that I myself recently downloaded from the Xbox Live Marketplace and have been enjoying thoroughly . But I'm not actually here to talk about Braid. I'm here to say how shitty I think the whole "Microsoft Points" system you must use in order to buy the games from Xbox Live Marketplace is. Here's a rundown on how it works.

1. In the REAL world you use your REAL money to buy Microsoft Points



2. You sign into Xbox Live and start shopping around



3. You see something you wanna "buy" and you pay for it with Microsoft Points

It sounds fair enough (if a little arbitrary) but there IS a catch. You see you can only buy points in certain increments. As an example I bought a 2000 point card the other day and only needed 1200 of those for Braid. So what happens to the left overs? Well they're still there as points but I can't get them back as money if I don't want anything else. It's like you're being forced to let Microsoft, one of the richest multinational corporations in the world, "keep the change." Microsoft aren't the only ones either, Nintendo uses Wii Points to buy Virtual Console and WiiWare games in the same way. I have 200 Wii points on my Wii that can't buy anything and can't be exchanged for money. To use them I'd have to buy more Wii points to add to the pile. Why can't I, oh I dunno, buy the the games I want with MONEY! All this points buisiness is deceptive and silly. What it all boils down to is buying money that can ONLY be used at one very specific store. I just hope that it stops here. Imagine if you had to buy points for every store you shopped at. Imagine if you couldn't use the change you got from buying an awesome shirt to buy a Coke from another store? It would be fucked, that's the answer.

What I Thought of Beyond Good & Evil

First up I'd like to say that I lied in the title. I haven't actually played Beyond Good & Evil...EVER! I want to, but I haven't. Let me tell you my story...

Over the past few months I've been hearing great things about a game of the last generation called Beyond Good & Evil. BG*ampersand*E was very well received by critics but ultimately failed to make a big splash on the public. Now because I'm one of those guys who likes to support excellence and originality and believes that video games are a developing art form I decided to traverse the cyberweb in search of a copy. I was in luck, I found an XBox (the original one) copy on ebay and outbid all my opponents. Just to illustrate again how under appreciated this game is I was the only bidder and I got it for $5. I was extremely chuffed. A few days passed and and the game arrived. Eager to see what all the fuss was about I popped the game into my XBox 360 (I don't own an original XBOX) and tried to play it. This is what appeared on my screen...

This original Xbox game is not

supported by your Xbox 360

console. An update to support this

game may be available. For more

info, go to www.xbox.com/games.

Grrrrrr...damn Microsoft have screwed me again. Not only did they make a console that gets so hot that it desolders critical hardware (which I had to have sent away recently) but it's also got the most bullshit backwards compatibility next to the PS3 (the current model of which has none). Of course, they will make an emulator so that I can actually play the game EVENTUALLY. But for now BG&E is on the shelf, once again being under appreciated.

A Look Back on Sonic Adventure 2

After several days of posting spiteful commentaries I have decided do something a little different. Instead of crucifying a soft target I am here to stand in defence of Sonic Adventure 2. But before I suit up and start jumping into bullets I feel a bit of background needs to be explored. Asuming you already all about Sonic the Hedgehog and his populater series of 2D platforming games from the 16 bit era (if you don't know or care about Sonic this may not be the article for you) I'm just going to skip ahead to the very first Sonic Adventure game. Sonic Adventure was the first Sonic game to be released for Sega's ill-fated Dreamcast and promised to be just that; an adventure. As well as fast-paced 3D platforming action the game would feature an open world to explore and a more involved story that would come to life through various voice-acted cutscenes. This was a huge step for Sonic and in the end the game fell a little short of the mark. Whilst recieving fairly positive reviews the game managed to cause many fans to turn away from 3D Sonic games. The open world was largely empty, some character's individual adventures were either too short or poorly designed and the game was prone to some pretty bad glitches. To be honest this wasn't Sonic's worst game; other 3D titles such as Sonic 3D and Sonic the Hedgehog (360 and PS3) have caused many fans to renounce newer Sonic titles altogether. But I'm still a believer; a cautious one, but one all the same. I believe beause I've played Sonic Adventure 2.

The Sonic Team obviously reflected heavily on the successes and failures of the original SA when developing it's sequal. What they created was a well paced, more balanced and more fun Sonic experience. The aweful open world was amputated like a gangrenous limb and this helped the game progress at a much speedier and natural rate. Let's face it, a meandering Sonic game is not a true Sonic game. The different characters also get a more even story length than in its' predesessor. The other characters are also more fun to play than they were previously. It is a common criticism of SA2 that the treasure hunt and platform-shooter levels are alot less fun than the fast, action levels. While it's true to say that the latter is where the game truely shines the other levels I found to be a pleasant bit of variety well mixed into the rest of the game. Sonic is also given alot of new abilities; my favourite being the ability to grind down rails on Sonic's "Soap Shoes." The game is not without its flaws though. The camera in particular can be dodgy at times. But I stand by this game as one of Sonic's best. I still play the Gamecube version and Ihave actually enjoyed getting 100% completion. It's one of a very select few games that have had that kind of replay value for me. Whilst the purests may not appreciate it, I enjoyed it thoroughly and would recommend it to anybody who's interested.

Overall Score - 90/100

I liked it so fuck you!

The Sus Side of DK

I've noticed something quite strange recently. It's actually something a friend and I noticed a while ago; but I thought it was a one-off occurrence and didn't count on it becoming a trend. I wonder if anyone else has noticed that Donkey Kong has been sounding a little off recently? My friend Dave first noticed it playing Mario Strikers: Charged Football on the Wii and we laughed at the absurd DK immitation. I haven't heard DK sound the same since then. Mario Kart Wii confirmed it; DK's voice has undergone a seemingly permanent transformation. The first question I would like to ask the world at large is "why the fuck would they change DK's voice?" I mean I guess if the old voice actor quit or died or something they might feel the need to replace him but if you think about it Donkey Kong's voices in the past have simply been a roster of grunts and yells. Could't they just recycle the old sounds? I swear that's what they used to do anyway. Considering Nintendo are so into maintaining their oldschool image I can't help but wonder what happened that brought about this change in one of their oldest and most loved characters. I hope they don't think we haven't noticed (I'm not the only one...am I?). Don't get me wrong, I'm all for change. But only if it's a change for the better. All this change does is make make us laugh at it's absurdity. Is that a change worth encouraging? Perhaps Nintendo, on the off-chance you're actually reading this, you should try and make peace with the old voice actor. Buy them flowers and singing tellagrams of appology. Maybe you could make them playable characters in the next inevitable Mario Kart or Smash Bros. game; just to show them you care. I have no idea how you fucked this up but I'd like to see it fixed. If all else fails just copy and paste the audio from DK64.

Also check out this clip from the Donkey Kong Country TV series. One word...sus.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q_Y2xPBplqI&feature=related

What I thought of Kingdom Hearts

Let me just get something off my chest. It's been bugging me a while and now that I finally have my very own blog it seems like a good time to just stand up and say..."Kingdom Hearts is seriously overated!" Ok so I'm only 3 posts in and I've already started ranting on video games but right now this is all I wanna talk about. Anyway back to Kingdom Hearts. For those unfamiliar with the game the concept is pretty much a Final Fantasy-Disney crossover. The concept was supposedly conceived when Squaresoft producer Shinji Hashimoto met a Disney executive in an elevator. I can understand how it might've sounded charming and magical to them but for the most part the story and execution feels quite mishmashed and lacking. Perhaps the real conception took place when Shinji Hashimoto dropped acid at Disneyland. To anyone who isn't lucky enough to have done this at some point the story is nothing more than familiar characters and settings strung together with flimsy cliches. Hearts? Keyblades? The Heartless? Donald, Goofy and Sephiroth? WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!?!

The gameplay isn't particularly exciting either. When the game isn't being a weak imitation of Ocarina of Time it's being a completely shit version of Lylat Wars. Too often you're required to merely wander around, hacking and slashing, until a cutscene is triggered. Enemy design is for the most part pretty boring, consisting mostly of a large cast of black blobs. Boss battles on the other hand are actually quite alot of fun and feature many familiar Disney antagonists. If only they weren't watered down with the rest of the game. I honestly can't understand why this game got such positive reviews. At best I'd say that Kingdom Hearts is an interesting idea executed in a mediocre fashion. There's some fun to be had and some magical moments but I'd find it hard to recomment to someone without giving them some serious warnings.