If Life Were a Videogame Lesson Two - Social Interactions

As the proud owner of a completely unsuccessful blog it would be safe to assume that my social skills are sub-par; and you'd be right. I'm not socially awkward as such, but I tend to sit in silence around conversations unless I'm with my closest friends (aka, YOU). Socialising is a complex thing. The wit. The timing. The subject matter. Different rules apply to different people in different situations and one wrong move could spell disaster. In videogames however, socialising is made much simpler and easier. In games like Fable II and the Sims simply acting possitively towards another person is enough to win complete admiration from your peers. Pull off the perfect fart in Fable II and everybody withing a 5 metre radius will want to marry you. Man or woman. Rich or poor. Whomever you wish to court the same techniques work every single time. As long as you don't attempt to murder them you can pretty much fuck whoever, whenever. The Sims are a little more fussy, but the same old formulas will always work whether you're tuning a teenage crush or trying to get into the pants of your brothers' wife. Bit of chit-chat, throw in a joke or two and then flirt, flirt, flirt. They may resist at first but another joke to smooth things over is all it'll take before you'll be making out, marrying and having sex having only met the person 2 days ago. That said, even though these characters move through all the stages in a relationship at the speed of light you can't just skip ahead to sex straight up with whoever you please. Anything slightly sexual in every game I've ever played can only be achieved when the character is head over heels in love with you. So even though you can have multiple partners and sordid love affairs you cannot just have a simple one night stand with a complete stranger. It seems kind of strange to me and really it only further highlights my point. Relationships in videogames are simplified far beyond the complexities of real life socialising. I realise of course that I've spoken mostly about sexual encounters concerning gaming and not so much on the friendship side, but in gaming it's pretty much the same formula. Fill up the friendship bar and you can interact with that person in whatever way you see fit. (Sigh) I wish I were a sim.

Skate

I am sure you are all vaguely familiar with who Tony Hawkes is, even if it is only because his name is currently attached to one of the largest and most repetitive game series still alive today. I was actually on board with the first 2 Tony Hawkes games in the series but by number 3 it was getting a little silly and before you knew it there was an annual release of a brand new game in the series. When Tony Hawkes games first emerged onto the scene it was the kind of thing that ate it's shitty competition for breakfast and the series went crazy and rampaged through the market unchallenged like a financial Godzilla. Anyway after what seems like 20 Tony Hawkes games (each becoming successively less to do with Tony) the skating genre seemed at an end when a game called Skate swept in and pulled off a perfect nosegrind across the top of Tony Hawkes gaming grave. The thing about skate is it actually reinvented the genre with a cool new control scheme. Instead of being able to pull off rediculously impossible combo's by just mashing pre-memorised button combinations like a speedy robot you have to stick with tricks and combo's that are far more in the realistic side of things. This is done by simply replacing button mashing with stick flicking but that simple idea was actually quite a huge step. It feels more natural and it gives an appropriate difficulty level to the harder tricks. That said it can be extremely hard to differentiate certain tricks with similar stick motions and I'm never completely sure if it's my fault or the games. I've also heard some criticisms regarding product placement in the game but for me it seems like a good thing rather than a bad one. The game is supposed to be a realistic skate game and picking and wearing skate brands only seems authentic rather than an act of selling out. I'm not sure exactly how to wrap this up. If you're even mildly interested in skating it's worth a look, especially if you thought the first Tony Hawkes game was original and exciting at the time.

I Still Love You...I Promise

Ah yes, my blog. That thing I created ages ago during that period when my ego was quite swollen and led me to believe that my blog may grant me money and respect. This could be my big break...WRONG! Several months later after a dizzying surge in my popularity which occured around the time that I made fun of pornographic director Ben Dover I have dropped back from my daily posting habits and perhaps in the number of fanatical devotees aswell. Anyway I'm back and I'm just letting you know that even though I've kept my 4 devoted fans waiting for so long I do still have plenty of ideas for Infinite Possiblogities. The reason the postings have become spacey as of late is because I have a job now and it's thrusting its' large, throbbing shifts into my moist, tight leisure time. So no need to panic, Infinite Possiblogities is far from dead. I will continue to review crappy things, make nerdy observations and ejactulate all of my word-semen across the face (and breasts) of the internet.

P.S. I think I have a problem.

Today's Mystery Shop Item Is Hippie Chick Deodorant

I can't remember exactly who's behind this particular fragrance but I think it may be Impulse. Hippie Chick smells OK I guess, for an Impulse deodorant (ooh burn). But quite frankly I find it strange that anyone is marketing a deodorant to capture the essence of a hippie. Hippies are well known for their offensive odours. Infact if you are looking out to smell like a hippie, here's a cheaper option than this deodorant, NOTHING. Hippies are happy to rock their B.O. and if you wanna smell like a Hippie I suggest you do the same. Pot, incence and sweat are probably about all you need to get the authentic hippie fragrance. The idea of spending money purely for hippie cred is kind of paradoxical don't you think? I can think of all sorts of negative labels to attach to this particular way of life but "sellout" would not be one of them. The only times hippies are prepared to spend are when forking out those extra bucks for the organic mungbeans or Woodford tickets (zing). Anyway I'm starting to get that ol' feeling I get sometimes when I post where I can visualize all my readers being all offended and start firing up the negative comments. Don't worry guys, I'm not dissing Woodford. I realise it's not JUST hippies who go there and I'm sure all my non-hippie friends who are going will have a great time (and not be wearing Hippie Chick deodorant.)

Live From the Shelves of Sam's Warehouse

I wish I had a picture of this item. It would probably make my post about 10% funnier. But without the visual aids I'm going to have to rely on y readers abilities to use their imaginations. But anyway I was doing the usual shelf stacking at Sam's Warehouse today when I noticed a rather stupid product. It was in amoungst all the other bachelor/ette merchandise aimed at cackling, drunk 30 year old women and simpleton men. It was basically one of those egg ring things except it fries the egg into the vague shape of a woman. WOW! Seriously though it was called something along the lines of "Sexy Egg Frier (or is it fryer?)" but I'm not sure if sexy is really an accurate or appropriate description of the item. 13 from House is sexy. That girl who stood in the middle of the globe of death as high speed bikes occupied about 90% of her personal space was sexy. Eggs are not sexy. No matter what shape they are, runny or not, eggs are not sexy. But the embellishment of the items description is a little beside the point. There was another thought that crossed my mind. Why would anyone want their eggs to be sexy? Food and sex, of course, can be considered acceptable. I'm fine with people out there licking body chocolate off each others flesh. What I'm not fine with is people wanting to spread their seed in their breakfast. Ok, sure, the product isn't actually suggesting you scramble your eggs a little more intimately but trying to make your meal look like a person of the opposite sex isn't exaclty a step in the right direction. But you know who this product is really aimed at? The late bloomers. Anyone remember in primary school how all the kids would be spotting dicks and tits in the clouds, in odd shaped sticks and the like? Then do you also remember how there would always be a kid who either took the joke way too far or flat out didn't get it? That's the kid who, 8 years or so later, is out cooking up their eggs with a big, disgusting grin on their face. It's like cheating really. It's funny when you find a potato that looks like a giant wang, mostly because it just happened that way. But if you start cooking eggs that look like boobs then of course they're going to look like boobs. You spent $5 and then 2 mins to make them look exactly like that. How can you do that and then say "hey, hehehe, these eggs look like boobies,hehehe"? Then again, maybe I'm just reading way too far into this cheap metal shape?