Live From the Shelves of Sam's Warehouse

I wish I had a picture of this item. It would probably make my post about 10% funnier. But without the visual aids I'm going to have to rely on y readers abilities to use their imaginations. But anyway I was doing the usual shelf stacking at Sam's Warehouse today when I noticed a rather stupid product. It was in amoungst all the other bachelor/ette merchandise aimed at cackling, drunk 30 year old women and simpleton men. It was basically one of those egg ring things except it fries the egg into the vague shape of a woman. WOW! Seriously though it was called something along the lines of "Sexy Egg Frier (or is it fryer?)" but I'm not sure if sexy is really an accurate or appropriate description of the item. 13 from House is sexy. That girl who stood in the middle of the globe of death as high speed bikes occupied about 90% of her personal space was sexy. Eggs are not sexy. No matter what shape they are, runny or not, eggs are not sexy. But the embellishment of the items description is a little beside the point. There was another thought that crossed my mind. Why would anyone want their eggs to be sexy? Food and sex, of course, can be considered acceptable. I'm fine with people out there licking body chocolate off each others flesh. What I'm not fine with is people wanting to spread their seed in their breakfast. Ok, sure, the product isn't actually suggesting you scramble your eggs a little more intimately but trying to make your meal look like a person of the opposite sex isn't exaclty a step in the right direction. But you know who this product is really aimed at? The late bloomers. Anyone remember in primary school how all the kids would be spotting dicks and tits in the clouds, in odd shaped sticks and the like? Then do you also remember how there would always be a kid who either took the joke way too far or flat out didn't get it? That's the kid who, 8 years or so later, is out cooking up their eggs with a big, disgusting grin on their face. It's like cheating really. It's funny when you find a potato that looks like a giant wang, mostly because it just happened that way. But if you start cooking eggs that look like boobs then of course they're going to look like boobs. You spent $5 and then 2 mins to make them look exactly like that. How can you do that and then say "hey, hehehe, these eggs look like boobies,hehehe"? Then again, maybe I'm just reading way too far into this cheap metal shape?

The Celebration

Dear Readers,
I am a little bit pissed right now (as in alcohol) because I just landed myself a job at Sam's Warehouse and my bro's and ho's had their last day at school today. Celebrations all round, I do declare. I must say that Sam's Warehouse (owned by Sam don'tcha know?) was mighty quick to get me on the team. I only handed my resume to them yesterday and 24 hours later I'm celebrating success.It certainly puts Sanity to shame, those guys left it to me to chase it up weeks later and even then it was prognosis negative. So I guess it's mood swings ahoy these days, what with being all bitter and twisted 2 days ago an all and now being super happy like a Japanese bubble gum factory (what the fuck am I on about?). Anyway, because I'm sooo good to my fans and because I love you alll sooo much (sheds a tear) I thought I'd let you know and I'll continue to keep you up to date with every little thing in my life that I feel like reviewing or writing about. Forgive all my inconsistancies, typo's and shitty articles coz I love all you cunts. I rant, I ramble, I blog. And I do it all for you.

PS. If I remember tomorrow's post might be a "Saterday Hangover Special"...stay tuned.