Just a Quick Few Words

Just incase anybody was interested in my earlier post about video games getting banned Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw, the creative genius behind fullyramlomatic.com and the Zero Punctuation video reviews (give him a chance damn you!), has recently written an interesting article on the very same subject. Here's the link.

http://www.news.com.au/technology/story/0,25642,24493980-5014239,00.html

If Life Were A Videogame - Lesson One: Sleeping

I had a particularly shit sleep the other night. I was laying in bed with my eyes shut for about 4 hours trying to catch some z's. It was even shittier because I had work the next day I needed my beauty sleep. But my brian just wouldn't do it. It knew what it had to do, it knew the stakes and then it folded under the pressure. To be honest sleep rarely works out for me. I sleep too much. I sleep too little. I can only sleep facing one way. I'm too hot. I'm too cold. I'm too hungry. I have a diabetes related problem. I'm too tightly tucked in. My feet are exposed. I dream that there's a strange person in my room. There actually is a strange person in my room and he's stealing my wallet. I'm too excited. I'm itchy. I'm restless. Do you get my point? Now it occured to me recently that in videogames you don't have that problem. If life were a videogame then sleeping would trouble me no more. Take Fable II as a recent and trendy example. In Fable II enducing sleep is as simple as finding a bed, pressing A and selecting how long you want to sleep for. How fucking easy is that? (Answer: very).

Sims characters have no trouble sleeping either. I've even seen them sleeping standing up before. Turn based games like Final Fantasy XII have sleep spells as well as potions and spells to wake them up again. Of course, if I could help it I'd eliminate the need for sleep altogether. I could really use those extra hours in my life. But instead of learning to yodel I'm doing nothing. Nothing but sleep. So for one last gaming reference let's bring in Mario. Mario has no need for sleep. Mario could sleep if he wanted to, but why would he? Mario is unaffected by fatigue. He always has the energy to run, jump and fly. The only time Mario DOES sleep is when you don't play with him for 5 minutes or so. But even then he's probably just sulking. Anyway it's getting late now so I'd best be getting to bed now and TRYING to get some sleep. Goodnight.

Madworld, the Wii and What's Wrong with the World

Ask any of my friends and I'm sure they'll tell you that I'm a Nintendo boy through and through. I think the Wii is an awesome piece of hardware with the potential to make gaming that little bit more immersive. That said I can't help but feel that developers are whoring out the poor thing, cheapening it by sticking any old half-arsed, arm flapping, shovelware into it. There are a fair few exceptionally good titles on the Wii but for every gem there a probably about 30 shitty Wii games and it can be hard to see the good for all the ugly in the way. I kinda liked it when Nintendo was the underdog. The Gamecube only had about 8 really excellent games on it but at least they weren't bogged down in crap. Well I guess maybe they were, but at least it wasn't anywhere near as much crap. I'm a fan of motion controls when they add to the experience and help to make the player more intimate with the game. Games like The Legend of Zelda:Twilight Princess and Metroid Prime 3: Corruption I hold as the finest examples of how motion controls should be implemented in a game. What should NOT be done is make a game based entirely around wanking off the Wiimote as furiously as possible and/or pointing and clicking at the screen. This is LAZY design and says to me as a gamer "We developers don't give a fuck about games, we just wanna make some quick cash." If you remove all of Nintendo's key frachises from the equation (Zelda, Metroid and Mario) there are really only three good Wii exclusive titles left (namely No More Heroes, Boom Blox and De Blob). This brings me to my next point (there's a point?) and that's Madworld. Madworld is an upcoming Wii exclusive title being pitched as an ultra-stylised, surreal, game in which you control a man with a chainsaw arm competing in a televised, deathmatch gameshow. To me the title appears to be interesting, exciting and unique. This is exactly the kind of thing I want the Wii to be about. But the totally shit thing is that the game is looking likely to be banned in Australia because we don't have a damn R18+ rating for video games. There are a buttload of people I blame for this but all I really wanna bitch about here is this. We are going to miss out on some excellent titles in Australia because there are people in government who want to parent us.

"No Angus, that game is far too violent for an ADULT such as yourself. If people play it they will transform into enraged, twisted, psychopaths. It'll be just like the Hulk."

Let me just clear this little misconception up. School shootings and mass murders happen because

1. Natural selection pretty much explains that there are going to be emotionally, mentally and psychollogically messed up people every now and then. It sucks but that's just what a diverse reality is all about.



2. There is easy access to guns and weapons

The reason missinformed people blame movies, games and music for societies ills is because America cannot bear to let go of it's precious guns. They NEED guns because if they don't have a gun the next time someone attacks them with a gun they won't have a gun to defend themselves with. Does anyone else see the stupidity in this logic?

PS. Congratulations to Luke Wratten for being the first to list themselves as a fan of Infinite Possiblogities. He was just too quick for the rest of you.

I Told You My Paranoia Would Pay Off

First of all I feel I should appologise for my lack of posting. I haven't had regular access to a computer lately because my brothers are doing the HSC and need the computers all the damn time. Anyway enough excuses, it's time to get blogging.

Ok so this happened quite a while ago now and it'll be old news to some of you. But for those of you out of the loop on this one last Saturday I was sleeping at my girlfriends house. I was in a deep sleep when all of a suddenI was awokenby someone moving around. I saw a figure standing beside the bed and, thinking it was my gal, sat up a bit and said something. I can't remember exactly what I did or said but the character bolted from the room like it was the 100m and I'd fired the gun. After a quick rundown of the house it was established that the window and back door were open. That, and my wallet and phone were nowhere to be seen. That means I'll have to gather all my friends numbers up again for like the fourth time. I only just finished up the third time. I'm also currently waiting for my new bankcards and I'll have new pin numbers to remember, it's a bit of a pain but hey, hassles aside, there was one other thing I wanted to mention. Does anybody recall the topic of my second post? It's still here if you wanna check it out. Anyway I basically said how I don't like to sleep with my back to the door, or the majority of the room, for security reasons. Now even though I lost a phone and wallet in this I'm sure that had I not been so jittery and paranoid the house burglers would've had the run of the place. Ok so making out like I'm a big hero is probably only feeding my disorder and perhaps no good has really come from it. But whatever, it's my blog and I can put whatever spin I like on my life's events. Therefore, I feel it only fair to acknowledge that my sleeping disorders are infact crime repelling superpowers.

PS. I realise my MS Paint drawings are shit, it's all a working progress.

The Infinite Possiblogities Guide to Being a Villain

So now that I'm well and truly over Kevin Bloody Wilson and his enraged fan base (apparently it WASN'T who we thought it was guys...I checked) I thought I'd finally get back to blogging about important things (yeah right). Anyway enough with the furious masturbating, it's time to present to you the Infinite Possiblogities Guide to Being a Villain (as seen in the title).

Anyway I'm sure we've all at some stage seen a movie and thought the villain was awesome. Let's face it, hero's are often cookie-cutter, two-dimensional characters who's only two goals in life are stopping evil and having a tangled relationship with the damsel in distress. Villains are were the writers have the REAL fun. Sometimes they are a socially unadjusted misfit, sometimes they are orphaned by a horrible event and sometimes their just nihilistic cunts who get off on watching people panic. That said though there is definitely a lot of familiar ground that can be tread when developing the character of a villain. So just in case any of my readers wanted to become the most stereotypical villain ever I thought I'm compile this list of things the do. Enjoy!

First of all it's always a good idea to become a part of a prophecy. These prophecies usually involve a great force of evil rising up to claim a powerful artifact and then a hero vanquishing them. It always interested me the way the villain is perfectly happy to accept that they are the dark force and that the artifact they seek is indeed powerful but then seem to dismiss the part about eventually getting their arse handed to them. But prophecies and premonitions aside, you aren't a real villain until you've actually done something evil, right? And what better place to start than by burning down the smallest, most peaceful village you can find and killing all of it's inhabitants except one child of about 10-13 years old. This kid will eventually kill you, but for now just stand about and cackle like the complete bastard that you are.
Helpful tip: for full effect try to stand in a way so that the flames of the fire are well reflected in your eyes.

Another way to be a bastard is terrorise an attractive young woman. The hero will save her and fall in love and all that shit but it's important that you do it. Just trust me on that one I guess.

Another thing to be sure to do is treat your underlings with extreme distain, disgust and contempt. They will grovel and seek your approval no matter how shitty you treat them. Also be sure to have a few incompotent ones fairly high up in oder to both provide comic relief and provide windows of opportunity so that the heroes are capable of eventually overthrowing you.

Whilst waiting for the hero to get his shit together (believing in himself, sorting out his relationship issues, sewing his costume, etc.) you should get to work practising your dramatic monologues, ready for when you'll have to deliver them to the hero during the final showdown. Be sure to pace the room, gaze out of the window and survey the chaos you've caused and recall some horrible memories about the protagonists' family and friends who perished at your hands. Mention how they suffered, begged and screamed. Call his mum a slut. Something along these lines. Anything that'll psyche him out. Perhaps if you wanted you could even say that "KEVIN BLOODY WILSON IS FUCKING SHIT!" It certainly stirs up some people.

My Apologies

Dear Anonymous Kevin Bloody Wilson fan,

I am sincerely sorry if I caused offence. It was totally out of line of me to write whatever I wanted on my own blog page. You were right not to take my shit and you were right to call me out on it. You argued a good point there. I WAS just jealous that KBW makes so many people happy when all I do is write blogs and pretend to have friends. Are you captain of a debating team or something? Because you totally changed my opinion of KBW and his fans. Just one minor correction though, it was a shitty acronym, not antonym. But who am I to correct you? Just some small-time, loser blogger who never makes people laugh. Thank you for your enlightening words.

Yours sincerely
Mr.B

PS. I'm actually pretty sure I acknowledged that KBW makes lot of people laugh. By that same logic Osama Bin Laden should be praised for giving inspiration to so many Fundamentalist Extremists.

"i got the hat and the t-shirt lol love em haha x"

Everybody put your hands up if you're going to go see Kevin Bloody Wilson's live show! I can't wait, he's pretty much my all time favorite musical entertainer. The things he says are so funny and so true...

All you secret Kevin Bloody Wilson fans shouldn't step out your closets just yet, I was being extremely sarcastic. KBW is fucking shit and if Channel Ten plays that ad for his show any more I'm gonna flip out. Anyone know the one I mean? "Do I Look Like I Give A Fuck, DILLYGAF." Oh except on the ad it's a bit more like DILLYGACENSORED, does the obvious censoring actually make people less offended? I also find it amusing that whoever actually made this ad felt the need to include footage of a laughing audience, as if they had no confidence at all that the viewer would know that they should be laughing. Anyway, back to the point, DILLYGAF is one fucking shit acronym and the song is about as funny as...actually I have nothing at all to compare it to. It's on it's own level deep below the gutter in a dank and uninviting place where laughter goes to die. The depressing thing is that the moron is so damn popular. I guess he's only really popular with other morons but unfortunatly that is a fucking huge market. Just to take a small sample of the kind of people who are watching this shit I went to youtube and sampled some of the comments. Here are some examples...

• "i have this tattooed on my hands :) i was looking for two words or an 8 letter word and i sat back and taught D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F. so when some dumbass keeps talkn i just put my fists up and laugh lol"
• "I've gotta get a Dilligaf t-shirt!"
• "NIIIIIIGEEEEEEE eeeeeeel FUCKIN LEGEND"

Fuck that's enough. I think I've made my point quite clear. So just in closing I thought I'd share with you my own little acronym. FYKBW!
Lets see if you can figure it out.

The Infinite Possiblogities Guide to Blogging

This picture has nothing to do with the post. Just thought a steam-punk Pacman was pretty awesome.

It's time I faced the facts. I'm becoming a bit lazy when it comes to my blog these days, and the quality of Infinite Possiblogities is suffering because of it. So it's time to step up and lift my game. I realise that writing a blog about "how to blog" in order to save your own blog is an extremely risky move. The risk is, of course, looking like a desperate and confused tosser trying to claw back some credability. Anyway, jerking off aside I present to you the Infinite Possiblogities Guide to Blogging.

The first thing to do when starting a blog is perhaps to plan ahead for maybe a week or two in advance. Starting off a blog impulsively is fine but you run the risk of running out of steam by the 3rd post and wondering what it is you actually wanna say. The purpose of your blog is something you're going to find hard to justify to yourself on a daily basis. Once you're over that little hurdle it's time to think of a name for your blog. Here I strongly advise against calling your blog anything like "Whatever" or "Just Started This Coz I was Bored." Be a bit more creative than that. Try and clarify or convey some sort of purpose in your title. There would have to be millions of half-arsed, 2 post blogs out there and calling your blog "Stuff" will likly convince potential readers that your blog is one of them. Anyway once your cool, new blog is up and running it's time to start the actual blogging process and belive me this is no easy task. If you imagine that a blog is like a child. You have to nourish it with regular, wholesome posts so that it becomes big and strong. But too many junk posts and your blog will become bloated and unattractive to look at. It might even become the victim of bullying by the other cool blogs. Speaking of bullying, going out and acting like a complete tool on the internet can actually be a good thing in terms of boosting your number of readers and it gives you something to post about if your imagination otherwise fails you. For example if I went out to some other random blogs and started leaving negative feedback they will probably get offended and either blog about you or comment on one of your blogs. If you retaliate there will be a bit of an online feud involving friends and fans and the potential for dragging more allies into the fray is slightly increased. Of course this may not always pay off. If you're a totally, unlikable douche then it is possible you will turn people off but then it's hard to say because even people who annonymously spout uninformed hate accross the net seem to get alot of readers (mostly because of that I'd say). Now this is actually something I've never personally stooped to. I've always challenged myself and held myself to a higher standard than that and have resisted using any cheap tricks to win over fans. There is also the option of sending compliments instead of stiring shit. Again this is a tactic I don't employ myself but keep in mind that my blog is slowing wanking itself into a horrid mess, so perhaps following what I do isn't the most prosperous move you could make.

PS if all else fails you could always try taking cheap shots at pornographic movies. I didn't even know anyone read my blogs until I did that.