If Life Were a Videogame Lesson Two - Social Interactions

As the proud owner of a completely unsuccessful blog it would be safe to assume that my social skills are sub-par; and you'd be right. I'm not socially awkward as such, but I tend to sit in silence around conversations unless I'm with my closest friends (aka, YOU). Socialising is a complex thing. The wit. The timing. The subject matter. Different rules apply to different people in different situations and one wrong move could spell disaster. In videogames however, socialising is made much simpler and easier. In games like Fable II and the Sims simply acting possitively towards another person is enough to win complete admiration from your peers. Pull off the perfect fart in Fable II and everybody withing a 5 metre radius will want to marry you. Man or woman. Rich or poor. Whomever you wish to court the same techniques work every single time. As long as you don't attempt to murder them you can pretty much fuck whoever, whenever. The Sims are a little more fussy, but the same old formulas will always work whether you're tuning a teenage crush or trying to get into the pants of your brothers' wife. Bit of chit-chat, throw in a joke or two and then flirt, flirt, flirt. They may resist at first but another joke to smooth things over is all it'll take before you'll be making out, marrying and having sex having only met the person 2 days ago. That said, even though these characters move through all the stages in a relationship at the speed of light you can't just skip ahead to sex straight up with whoever you please. Anything slightly sexual in every game I've ever played can only be achieved when the character is head over heels in love with you. So even though you can have multiple partners and sordid love affairs you cannot just have a simple one night stand with a complete stranger. It seems kind of strange to me and really it only further highlights my point. Relationships in videogames are simplified far beyond the complexities of real life socialising. I realise of course that I've spoken mostly about sexual encounters concerning gaming and not so much on the friendship side, but in gaming it's pretty much the same formula. Fill up the friendship bar and you can interact with that person in whatever way you see fit. (Sigh) I wish I were a sim.

If Life Were A Videogame - Lesson One: Sleeping

I had a particularly shit sleep the other night. I was laying in bed with my eyes shut for about 4 hours trying to catch some z's. It was even shittier because I had work the next day I needed my beauty sleep. But my brian just wouldn't do it. It knew what it had to do, it knew the stakes and then it folded under the pressure. To be honest sleep rarely works out for me. I sleep too much. I sleep too little. I can only sleep facing one way. I'm too hot. I'm too cold. I'm too hungry. I have a diabetes related problem. I'm too tightly tucked in. My feet are exposed. I dream that there's a strange person in my room. There actually is a strange person in my room and he's stealing my wallet. I'm too excited. I'm itchy. I'm restless. Do you get my point? Now it occured to me recently that in videogames you don't have that problem. If life were a videogame then sleeping would trouble me no more. Take Fable II as a recent and trendy example. In Fable II enducing sleep is as simple as finding a bed, pressing A and selecting how long you want to sleep for. How fucking easy is that? (Answer: very).

Sims characters have no trouble sleeping either. I've even seen them sleeping standing up before. Turn based games like Final Fantasy XII have sleep spells as well as potions and spells to wake them up again. Of course, if I could help it I'd eliminate the need for sleep altogether. I could really use those extra hours in my life. But instead of learning to yodel I'm doing nothing. Nothing but sleep. So for one last gaming reference let's bring in Mario. Mario has no need for sleep. Mario could sleep if he wanted to, but why would he? Mario is unaffected by fatigue. He always has the energy to run, jump and fly. The only time Mario DOES sleep is when you don't play with him for 5 minutes or so. But even then he's probably just sulking. Anyway it's getting late now so I'd best be getting to bed now and TRYING to get some sleep. Goodnight.