If Life Were A Videogame - Lesson One: Sleeping

I had a particularly shit sleep the other night. I was laying in bed with my eyes shut for about 4 hours trying to catch some z's. It was even shittier because I had work the next day I needed my beauty sleep. But my brian just wouldn't do it. It knew what it had to do, it knew the stakes and then it folded under the pressure. To be honest sleep rarely works out for me. I sleep too much. I sleep too little. I can only sleep facing one way. I'm too hot. I'm too cold. I'm too hungry. I have a diabetes related problem. I'm too tightly tucked in. My feet are exposed. I dream that there's a strange person in my room. There actually is a strange person in my room and he's stealing my wallet. I'm too excited. I'm itchy. I'm restless. Do you get my point? Now it occured to me recently that in videogames you don't have that problem. If life were a videogame then sleeping would trouble me no more. Take Fable II as a recent and trendy example. In Fable II enducing sleep is as simple as finding a bed, pressing A and selecting how long you want to sleep for. How fucking easy is that? (Answer: very).

Sims characters have no trouble sleeping either. I've even seen them sleeping standing up before. Turn based games like Final Fantasy XII have sleep spells as well as potions and spells to wake them up again. Of course, if I could help it I'd eliminate the need for sleep altogether. I could really use those extra hours in my life. But instead of learning to yodel I'm doing nothing. Nothing but sleep. So for one last gaming reference let's bring in Mario. Mario has no need for sleep. Mario could sleep if he wanted to, but why would he? Mario is unaffected by fatigue. He always has the energy to run, jump and fly. The only time Mario DOES sleep is when you don't play with him for 5 minutes or so. But even then he's probably just sulking. Anyway it's getting late now so I'd best be getting to bed now and TRYING to get some sleep. Goodnight.

I Told You My Paranoia Would Pay Off

First of all I feel I should appologise for my lack of posting. I haven't had regular access to a computer lately because my brothers are doing the HSC and need the computers all the damn time. Anyway enough excuses, it's time to get blogging.

Ok so this happened quite a while ago now and it'll be old news to some of you. But for those of you out of the loop on this one last Saturday I was sleeping at my girlfriends house. I was in a deep sleep when all of a suddenI was awokenby someone moving around. I saw a figure standing beside the bed and, thinking it was my gal, sat up a bit and said something. I can't remember exactly what I did or said but the character bolted from the room like it was the 100m and I'd fired the gun. After a quick rundown of the house it was established that the window and back door were open. That, and my wallet and phone were nowhere to be seen. That means I'll have to gather all my friends numbers up again for like the fourth time. I only just finished up the third time. I'm also currently waiting for my new bankcards and I'll have new pin numbers to remember, it's a bit of a pain but hey, hassles aside, there was one other thing I wanted to mention. Does anybody recall the topic of my second post? It's still here if you wanna check it out. Anyway I basically said how I don't like to sleep with my back to the door, or the majority of the room, for security reasons. Now even though I lost a phone and wallet in this I'm sure that had I not been so jittery and paranoid the house burglers would've had the run of the place. Ok so making out like I'm a big hero is probably only feeding my disorder and perhaps no good has really come from it. But whatever, it's my blog and I can put whatever spin I like on my life's events. Therefore, I feel it only fair to acknowledge that my sleeping disorders are infact crime repelling superpowers.

PS. I realise my MS Paint drawings are shit, it's all a working progress.

My Sleeping Patterns

Day 2. Just managing to squeeze this entry in before Day 3. Not alot to report on the day's events. I woke up and as per usual I was in my own bed which means famiarity and comfort for me and boredom and tedium for my readers (assuming I have any). I realise of course that some bloggers can get away with minimalist posts but I probably can't and so under the circumstances I am forced to get a little bit creative. So on the topic of my bed I thought I'd share with you a little quirk I have whilst I'm trying to sleep in it (settle down folks, it's not THAT exciting). You see the thing is I absolutely MUST face the door of my bedroom whilst sleeping. The reason? Part paranoia and part funiture arrangement. You see my bed is against the wall opposite the door. Meaning that if I roll over and face the other way whilst sleeping my back is exposed to virtually all of the rest of the room; thus leaving me completely vulnerable to surprise attacks during the night. I realise it's pretty irrational but whenever I face the wall I feel susceptable to sneaky stabbings. If I hear a noise or sense anything that would alert me to the presence of an unwanted intruder I would lose critical response seconds (not to mention the old "pretend to be asleep then bludgeon them with the bedside lamp" trick) because I would have to roll over. You could argue of course that I'm nothing more than a paranoid scaredy-cat but one simple fact still remains. I never face the wall and I never get stabbed in my sleep. I'll leave it for the people to decide.