News Just In!

Just this minute watched another episode of Growing Up Creepie. I changed my mind...it sucks.

What's the Point?

It's Friday, the end of another blogging week and I thought I'd end the week on a simple note. Why do people cook with poppy seeds? They're in our muffins, on our bread. Ok so I'm nit-picking again but just to demonstrate my point let me just list the criteria I personally think need to be met in order to use an ingredient

1. Adds flavour


2. Adds to the texture


3. Adds to the presentation

First point to be disregarded is flavour. I have tasted poppy seeds by themself as a test of this and I found it to have no distinguishable flavour. There is however a definate texture, but is it really a desirable one? They're just gritty and unpleasant. They're like a more hygenic substitute for droping the dish in the dirt. Lastly, the presentation. Well I can't deny that the orange and poppy seed cake LOOKS better for having the poppy seeds in them. I guess that's the point, it looks cool. But the enhanced appearance of a desert seems like a small benefit in regards to the reduction in your own appearance when you beautiful smile is compromised by all the small black poppy seeds stuck in your teeth.

The Thursday Morning Ritual Plus Some Other Shit

This morning I got up and like I did last Thursday (and indeed have done practically every Thursday since about Christmas) I watched the new Zero Punctuation video. Zero Punctuation is a weekly video game review series by a guy called Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw who incidentally landed himself a job through his own website, or indeed, blog. Don't think I haven't noticed all you folks out there on "the web" casting doubt on the whole blog scene in what I can only assume is an undercover attempt to create a blog, infiltrate the community and bring us down from the inside. You don't fool me though, I can spot that fake moustache a kilometer off (we do use metric after all). Anyway, Zero Punctuation is worth checking out, even if you aren't really a gamer.

Here's a link http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation

Anyway this week he reviews Braid. A game that I myself recently downloaded from the Xbox Live Marketplace and have been enjoying thoroughly . But I'm not actually here to talk about Braid. I'm here to say how shitty I think the whole "Microsoft Points" system you must use in order to buy the games from Xbox Live Marketplace is. Here's a rundown on how it works.

1. In the REAL world you use your REAL money to buy Microsoft Points



2. You sign into Xbox Live and start shopping around



3. You see something you wanna "buy" and you pay for it with Microsoft Points

It sounds fair enough (if a little arbitrary) but there IS a catch. You see you can only buy points in certain increments. As an example I bought a 2000 point card the other day and only needed 1200 of those for Braid. So what happens to the left overs? Well they're still there as points but I can't get them back as money if I don't want anything else. It's like you're being forced to let Microsoft, one of the richest multinational corporations in the world, "keep the change." Microsoft aren't the only ones either, Nintendo uses Wii Points to buy Virtual Console and WiiWare games in the same way. I have 200 Wii points on my Wii that can't buy anything and can't be exchanged for money. To use them I'd have to buy more Wii points to add to the pile. Why can't I, oh I dunno, buy the the games I want with MONEY! All this points buisiness is deceptive and silly. What it all boils down to is buying money that can ONLY be used at one very specific store. I just hope that it stops here. Imagine if you had to buy points for every store you shopped at. Imagine if you couldn't use the change you got from buying an awesome shirt to buy a Coke from another store? It would be fucked, that's the answer.

The Urban Dictionary Experience

About 2 weeks back a friend of mine received a message using a term that neither of us were familiar. Not to panic, we both thought. The Urban Dictionary will have the answers. So we googled "Urban Dictionary" and clicked the appropriate url and looked up the term "graped out" (the misunderstood term in question). Anyway turns out that the urban dictionary is a little behind my friend as it didn't know what we were on about either. So my friend decided to admit his ignorance in exchange for an explanation. Here it is:

graped out/ adj the state of being drunk off wine or "goon"

I hope that's the correct definition, it was a while ago now. But anyway all this is kinda beside the point. The point is that whilst on Urban Dictionary my friend and I thought it would be a "cool idea" to subscribe to the site; thus getting a cool new colloquialism sent to my inbox everyday so that I may impress all my friends with it's use. That's what I thought I'd get. As it turns out alot of the words I get sent are either too specific for me to use or just plain shitty. For every decent slang term I get 10 or so aweful portmanteau words.

portmanteau words/ noun a word made by telescoping or blending two other words

Just thought I'd help you out there with that one. So anyway the experience is a little lacking. There's always the oportunity to unsubscribe which every email I get reminds me of, giving the impression that they're actually a little embarrased about this service of theirs. But I'm the kinda person who can't help but wonder what he's missing out on. Unsubscribe and I might miss my chance to learn a really REALLY cool word. So I'll just put up with the lame ones for a little while longer. I guess this is what comes from a community wiki site. People just wanna make their own little word and make it big. To this I shrug and say "fair enough" but if you really REALLY wanna make it big you should just write an awesome blog.

(comment and tell me that blogging has changed me)

Public Notice

This post is just to let you know that I'm currently looking for a logo design for my blog (the one you're reading). I'm not the most artistic dude out there and so I thought I'd give my loyal readers the chance to express how they feel about my blog. Ok so it sorta smacks of being a bit lazy on my part, but I really would like to see what you guys come up with. Just suggsting is all.

A Look Back on The Games

No, it's not what you're thinking. I'm not going to rant on and on about Beijing until the opening cermony in London. But seeing as how we're already in the Olympic spirit I want to look back on The Games. It was an ABC mockumentary that aired in the leadup to the Sydney 2000 Olympics. Anybody remember it? If you don't there's no reason to panic, I'm here to enlighten you. First up I'm gonna just come clean and say

"The Games is my all time favourite Australian comedy"

- Mr.B

You can sure as hell quote me on that. Hell, you can insult people on my behalf who say anything to the contrary. You could name other Aussie comedies all day longs if you like but I'll say the same thing every time. The Games is better. If that's not a recommendation then I don't know what is. I actually sorta don't want to talk about it too much because if anything that will make you less inclined to watch it. So let me just toss a few facts your way.

1. 
   
   If you like Frontline or The Hollowmen, you should watch it


2. 
   
   If you're a fan of Gina Riley from Kath and Kim, you should watch it


3. 
   
   If you even mildly enjoy John Clarke and Brian Dawe do their comedy interviews on the 7:30 report, you should watch it


4. 
   
   Mockumentaries? Watch it


5. 
   
   Olympic Scandal? Watch it


6. 
   
   Political Sceptic? Watch it


7. 
   
   Watch it? WATCH IT!

Goodbye Beijing

Do not fret, I'm not going to review the Closing Ceremony. What I AM going to do is ask a simple question in the hope of it being answered or at least acknowledged. There was one thing missing these games. Where the hell were Roy and HG? I was looking forward to their special occasion antics. Roy and HG have had a show going for every major sporting event since the Sydney 2000 Olympics all those years ago. Ok, that's one complaint down but I've got more. Channel Seven should be fucking banned from broadcasting the Olympics. They are absolute RUBBISH at it. It's not just their moronic commentary; viewers are subjected to barrages of shitty montages and ads for the shows that will be coming on after the Olympics. Fuck you Seven Network. You had actual events to broadcast. E-fucking-vents. That's what you paid millions to broadcast you chimps. I recall watching a whole event get cut down to just the winning performance. My whole family was outraged. There need to be fucking standards when dishing out Olympics Broadcasting Rights, 5 sacks with dollar signs on them and blowjobs aren't going to cut it anymore. Remember the world complaining that China didn't meet the human rights standards necessary to host the Olympics? Well I think there should be rules for broadcasters aswell. Rules that must be obeyed, for the punishment shall be based around sackwhacking and sevre nipple twisting. I really hope the IOC is listening.

9 Songs

I remember the first time I heard about 9 Songs. It's the only time I can recall when At the Movies with Margaret and David had a parental advisory warning before screening. You see 9 Songs was quite controversial at the time because had many scenes in it that fully displayed unsimulated sex. None of this two lumps moving around under the covers accompanied by giggles and "woohoo"ing (ala The Sims), when the characters in the movie have sex, so too do the actors. That's right kids! ACTUAL penises in ACTUAL vaginas and a camaraman who gets in so close I'm surprised the lense didn't fog up. Naturally this kinda movie must've caused all types of hassels for the Office of Film and Literature Classification. The big issue of the time was whether this movie was art or porn. This is a question that gets tossed around quite a bit and there are people who will, by default, immediately side with one or the other. At first the OFLC gave it an X rating akin to a porno flick but they revised that decision soon after and gave it an R. Now where do I stand on the issue? Personally I don't think it is porn for one important reason, I CARED about the characters. The film definately has intentions other than causing erections and starting a war between Christian Mothers Groups and Bill Henson supporters. There's a story here to be told through the sex and even though it's heavily improvised it's done magnificently. Also the movie features 9 live perfomances (hence the title) of various artists, so the music is pretty awesome aswell, even if you aren't Franz Ferdinand's biggest fan.

These "9 Songs" are:

Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, "Whatever Happened To My Rock And Roll"
The Von Bondies, "C'mon, C'mon"
Elbow, "Fallen Angel"

Primal Screem, "Movin' On Up"

Dandy Warhols, "You Were The Last High"
Super Furry Animals, "Slow Life"
Franz Ferdinand, "Jacqueline"
Michael Nyman, "Nadia"
Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, "Love Burns"

PS. The movie seriously has a running time of 69 minutes. Also, I'd like to know if anyone else thinks that the guy playing the male lead in this movie looks like Niko Bellic from GTAIV (he's the one on the left).

Spending Up Creepie

Of all the subcultures in the world these days I've always thought that goth was one of the pricier ones to be a part of. With all the piercings, makeup and a cows worth of leather in their outfit just looking goth is hard on the wallet and you haven't even bought any Cradle of Filth albums yet. It appears that I'm not the only one to realise this; there's alot of gothic-style brands and merchandise these days (Emily the Strange anyone?). The idea behind this seems to be that companies can take a kid who rubs the jocks the wrong way and helps them to embrace their less-than-sunny disposition by selling them products that make them feel a part of something. To maximise the number of people buying freaky contact lenses the companies realise that they need to make goth both mainstream and cool. Goth-style in kids entertainment is one way to do this. Here's where Growing Up Creepie comes in.

It's been a while since I've posted about a show on Rollercoaster, the last one was Zoey 101 which coincidently comes on just after Growing Up Creepie. GUC treads a fine line between being Goth and being 9 year old friendly. Creepie lives in a brooding mansion with her insect family (no seriously, her mother's a praying mantis); she wears alot of makeup, has multi coloured streaks in her hair and has one eyebrow permanently raised. There's no denying she's goth influenced but by making her a hero and giving her a diverse posse takes the edge away just a little and makes her accessable to kids. Another thing they do in these shows is make everybody else a misinformed moron. This is probably what I find most annoying about these shows. I'm all for goths but when they start heading in the "superior outcast" direction (quoting my friends there, can't remember who said it first though) I find it a little tiresome. In some ways I found GUC to be like a pre-teen Daria. I'm a huge fan of Daria and so this may sound like a compliment, but GUC has no elements of satire or social understanding. In the end though I don't think GUC is that bad, I'm fairly indifferent actually. Kinda makes for a lackluster post huh? Well that's too bad 'coz I've already written it and I'm not writing another one. But hey, at least you've learnt that goths and inects are related.

PS. I promise I'll be funny again one of these days...

What I Thought of Beyond Good & Evil

First up I'd like to say that I lied in the title. I haven't actually played Beyond Good & Evil...EVER! I want to, but I haven't. Let me tell you my story...

Over the past few months I've been hearing great things about a game of the last generation called Beyond Good & Evil. BG*ampersand*E was very well received by critics but ultimately failed to make a big splash on the public. Now because I'm one of those guys who likes to support excellence and originality and believes that video games are a developing art form I decided to traverse the cyberweb in search of a copy. I was in luck, I found an XBox (the original one) copy on ebay and outbid all my opponents. Just to illustrate again how under appreciated this game is I was the only bidder and I got it for $5. I was extremely chuffed. A few days passed and and the game arrived. Eager to see what all the fuss was about I popped the game into my XBox 360 (I don't own an original XBOX) and tried to play it. This is what appeared on my screen...

This original Xbox game is not

supported by your Xbox 360

console. An update to support this

game may be available. For more

info, go to www.xbox.com/games.

Grrrrrr...damn Microsoft have screwed me again. Not only did they make a console that gets so hot that it desolders critical hardware (which I had to have sent away recently) but it's also got the most bullshit backwards compatibility next to the PS3 (the current model of which has none). Of course, they will make an emulator so that I can actually play the game EVENTUALLY. But for now BG&E is on the shelf, once again being under appreciated.

Today on Infinite Possiblogities; Mr. B Reviews a Sack of Porn

Ahhh Monday. There's nothing like coming back from an excellent weekend with a brainload of new ideas to try out. Struggle as I did on Friday my post was sub-par to say the least (and complete shit to say the most). Anyway as luck would have it I had a moment of inspiration over this weekend. A dear old friend of mine is moving to the city. As we speak my simple country pal is headed for the "Big Smoke." Upon hearing this I feared for my friend; feared that in this dog-eat-dog world of ours my dear old friend may be chewed up and spit out by the city he hoped would make him big. Sometime before exchanging farewells I bestowed upon my firend some of the things I've learnt about showbiz. As the famous writer of a highly successful blog I felt it my duty to nurture this vulnerable sapling with the knowledge that success has brought me; hoping to help him blossom. As a token of appreciation my friend gave me an elf-hat and a sack of VHS porn. It was around this time that inspiration struck. Not only is porn a tool to aid sexual gratification but porn can also be really fucking funny. So for the benefit of all you folks out there with no desire at all to see Creme de la Face #6 I thought I'd share with you the funnier moments of porn.

Fuck that was a long intro! Anyway the first thing I found kinda strange is that alot of these tapes feel the need to add stupid, cheezy music. Why? Just because the movie is called Cum Eating Asians these people feel the need to add the clunks and twangs one asscociates with feudal Japan. I mean there are no samurai, kimono's, emperors or ninjas involved; just girls and dicks. Dialogue is another funny addition that some directors feel they need to add. These porn actors and actresses love a good chinwag (sounds kinda dirty in this context huh?). Heaps of questions and small talk. A few jokes to break the ice. What's with it? Perhaps these guys like to get to know a person before going all the way with them. Sounds reasonable, they probably don't want a rep for being "easy."

I'd also like to mention how funny Ben Dover is. Not only is he the first person to assume a prank call persona but he also has such style; rockin' a pink tank top and a hairdo like Robert Plant. Yuk, yuk, YUKKY! Good thing he spends most of the time behind the camera and not being seen. Another example of a strange dress code is the guy who is almost completely naked. The almost here being the strange bit. All he is wearing is a baseball cap. Does he feel naked without it?

This Post's Too Shit for a Title

Let me just start off by saying that I have officially managed to keep this blog updated daily for 3 weeks. You may recall from my very first post that I was skeptical of my abilities to offer anything worth reading and predicted that I would be packing an unfinished blog into the back of the closet. It's kinda strange admitting this but I find blogging a satisfying and enriching experience. Just though I'd let you know, that IS what blogging is all about after all (isn't it?).

Fuck! I was gonna post some more shit, but I'm needed elsewhere right now. Many appologies to my loyal readers who have come to expect more from me, but this might have to be all for today. Perhaps you might like to bask in the irony of the fact that this post was supposed to celebrate my unexpected longevity and in itself is by far one of the shortest postings I've ever made. Once again, sorry guys. Hopefully I've greatly improved by Monday.

PS. Got our new fridge this afternoon. It's fucking sweet!

A Day in the Life

It seems that whilst I've been running off on personal agendas with my blog (about 1/3 praise and 2/3 chastising) I've sorta been neglecting to do the whole "today I brushed my teeth" kinda blog. You're probably asking yourselves about now whether I've "lost my touch" or not (at the moment I'm kinda thinking that too) but I woke up this morning with some slightly out-of-the-ordinary (I can hyphonate whatever I want) news. I'm not sure if this'll interest you in the slightest, I suppose the reason I'm posting it is to test you. Feel free to comment me. Anyway back to my life. I woke up this morning to my mum bustling around the house, in and out of phonecalls with Harvey Norman, Retravision and my dad. As it turns out we are in need of a new fridge (this is what he's gonna blog about? I'm gonna leave him the most negative feedback he's ever seen). I must say I had noticed our fridge was starting to "lose it's groove" in the past week or so, what with all the luke-warm milk and all. I must say that even though it is JUST a fridge I'm a little excited. We've had the old fridge for as long as I can remember, maybe even longer than that. I can't wait to see the new fridge, all shiny and new, completely sterile and clean. It's a good oportunity to chuck out some of the weird shit that's been lurking (not to mention expiring) in the dark recesses of our old fridge. Anything we don't really want will not make the transfer. Fridge magnets and photo's are currently under review until further notice. Fridges are so exciting, I can't wait 'til...WHAT AM I WRITING!?!
I'm sorry folks I'm just going to get away from the computer for a bit, collect my thoughts and start again. OK? OK...........................................................................................................................................................................................................................
Ok. So there I was watching this really shit TV show...

Weatherwoman

Seeing as how I'm already into the cult Japanese movie reviews I decided to turn my attention to Weatherwoman. This "wickedly funny, over-the-top farce" (quoted from the New York Times) makes movies like Scary Movie look sensible. However that comparison is probably a little unfair on Weatherwoman because, let's face it, Scary Movie is a shitty spot-the-pop-reference spoof movie whilst Weatherwoman manages the be crazy and amusing all off its own merits. Unlike The Princess Blade, Weatherwoman perfectly delivers what it promises. It says it'll be a crazy, raunchy, Japanese comedy and it pretty much cracks all the jokes whilst rubbing its crotch and crackin' the whip. But whilst The Princess Blade was a little mediocre, it's potential to appeal to a wider audience is probably greater than that of Weatherwoman. In other words, it may not be your cup of tea, but I certainly liked it enough to buy it so if anyone feels like giving it a shot you know who to holla at. The humour feels VERY Japanese. Let me just give you a run down of what kind of things this movie will treat you to:

• A sexually empowered weatherwoman who "reinvents" weather reporting by flashing her panties during every forecast


• A jealous rival determined to claim the position of weatherwoman and "reinvent" it in her own way


• A pathetically wimpy, yet totally obsessed fan


• A perverted old man (actually there's probably a fair few)


• A lot of dominatrix style behaviour


• A magical whip that gives you superpowers if you can endure being repeatedly whipped by it


• Several incidents of jumping off high buildings


• Two really horrid song and dance numbers *shudder*


• A publically broadcast weatherwoman showdown

Seriously though, this is only really scraping the surface. There's alot of crazy shit going on in this movie. Again this is reasonalby short movie (clocking in at 85 mins) so perhaps it's worth checking out if only to get yourself some cult movie cred.

The Princess Blade.Hot Asian Swordstress, What More Could You Want?

Well, quite alot actually.

When I finally sat down to watch The Princess Blade (conveniently taped from SBS some time ago) I was expecting a hack 'n' slash action movie with a blood and gore rating somewhere between very high and Quentin Tarantino. SBS warned me that the movie was rated MAV (meaning mature adult violence I believe) and only hightened my expectations. What I saw, however, was a movie that never seemed quite sure what it wanted to achieve. Sword fighting scenes showed alot of promise but the convoluted story cock-blocked the sword fights every time things started get a bit frisky. In the 90 minutes of movie only about 20 mins are dedicated to combat. The rest of the story is mildly interesting but clashes horribly with the story in which the fighting happens, neither one coming accross as fully fleshed out. There is, howver, some enjoyment to be had here. Sound FX and the musical score are quite pleasing. The sounds of swordfights, the clicking of a loaded gun and the sounds of footsteps on various surfaces all sound really good. I mean REALLY good. For some reason the sound FX kinda made this movie for me. In a way the combat sounds better than it looks, kinda funny that. The acting is a mixed bag, sometimes satisfying but often just bland. The lead actress who plays the brutal hottie isn't particularly good, but she does have quite a piercing gaze to go with her piercing katana. In the end it's hard to say how I feel about this movie. It's not great, it's not bad and it's also not very long. You may find it worth watching, who knows? It's underwhelming but there are certainly worse ways of spending 90mins.

Olympic Opening Ceremony

For me the Beijing Olympic Opening Ceremony achieved two things. China celebrated its ancient, colourful history rich in tradition and its polluted, secretive, communist present whilst Channel Seven continued its rich tradition of having completely shit commentary. I mean really, do we need someone to tell us there are "Tai Chi performers, on the floor" when they are in plain sight? Just to get all my broadcaster bitchings out of the way quickly I'd also like to point out how sudden and jarring the transitions into the ad-breaks were. One moment you were watching a softly lit, beautifully orchestrated metaphor for something or rather and in the blink of an eye a loud and brash ad for some garbage TV show is thrust into all of your relaxed senses. So let's just say "fuck you" to Channel Seven and move onto the actual event.





The BOOC was for the most part spectacular; featuring wonderful costumes, performances and that intricate attention to detail that you associate with Chinese design. Because the whole event ran for well over 4 hours I'm going to briefly outline some of the acts. There was:

• A giant scroll that dancers wrote on


• A handful of the most rigidly disciplined soldiers the human race has ever produced


• A Chinese Astronaut


• A Tai-chi light show


• Chinese ravers wearing flouro yellow bodysuits wrapped in Christmas lights


• A more innocent, tolerable and Chinese Niki Webster


• An excruciatingly slow moving duet


• Bagpipes playing Scotland the Brave...for some reason


• A ring of attractive, young, cheerleaderesque girls who were forced to jump, wave and dance about enthusiastically whilst the athletes from every single competing country marched out (plus they were wearing high-heeled cowboy boots...sucks to be them)

• And a giant, cooler version of the round lightshade I have in my bedroom (see the picture above)

Olympic Opening Ceremonies do have a tendancy to drag on a fair bit and the Beijing attempt was no acception. Watching every single competing nation walk a lap of the stadium is probably the largest contributing factor. By this time in the evening you'd be forgiven for forgetting that the Olympics is a sports thing. To be honest though, I enjoyed practically everything else. I think that's about all I have to say. The torch lighting was pretty cool aswell; it seemed to be a symbol of their creation of fireworks (which also played a large part in the celebrations).

I promise that tomorrows post will be funnier...maybe...

This is How I Will Lose My Fans

Brace yourselves people. I am about to do something quite wankerish and absurd. Perhaps you will find a enough parody and self-loathing in this to find it acceptable; perhaps you will delete me from your favourites list and stop recommending me to your friends. But blow the costs. Today I review...my own blog.

Mr. B is the creative mind behind the Infinite Possiblogities page on Blogspot. Posts on Infinite Possiblogities consist largely of observations and pseudo-reviews written in an informal, manner and are often highly critical. Posts often feature questionable language and grammer that may prove too abraisive and amature for a wide demographic. These posts are often laced with humour although one might argue that the jokes are often few and far between; leaving mostly clumsy and often flimsy remarks that often read like sidenotes of a larger review that is absent altogether. Some posts, particularly possitive ones, are far too lengthy and come across as over indulgent (reviewing things that are only of interest to him). It is hard to imagine who the intended audience actually is. Reviews are often written retrospectively and would therefore have minimal impact and provide little incentive for an occassional reader to read his posts on a daily basis (which is the frequency at which he posts). Mr.b often jokingly cites close friends and family as readers although it is hard to imagine, say, his own mother reading it. In the end it is hard not to conclude that the intended audience is infact himself.

Whilst perhaps enjoyable as a few minutes of escapism, it is hard to recomment myself to anyone other than my girlfriend, friends and myself.

The Dark Knight

I woke up this morning and boy was I surprised. It seems that someone sent me an email (you know who you are) expressing their dissappointment that I chose to review Sonic Adventure 2 when I said I was going to praise something. I can't believe I'm making that big a splash. Ok so it was someone I actually knew, but I feel it's progress all the same. All I can say in my defence is this. I liked SA2. I felt it deserved more recognition and less criticism. It's my blog and I'll review what I like. That said, I would also like to smother the rumour that ALL I like in life is gaming by telling you what I thought of the latest Batman movie, The Dark Knight. Now I realise that The Dark Knight has been out for a while now and has probably been blogged to death but I have to say that for once the hype is actually well founded. The Dark Knight is awesome and hands down the best movie I've seen in a very long time. Heath Ledger's performance is so superb that I actually forgot about his death. The Joker is an awesome badguy, purely in it for the chaos. The whole film is very thrilling. I'm talking "on the edge" and "auto canibalistic" kind of tension. If you haven't seen it yet stop reading here and GO NOW! This is the kind of film that warrents a cinema viewing. The only problem I have with it is that if they ever make another Batman movie it's probably not going to be able to top The Dark Knight. I could yak all day about how loved it is by me but I fear I may bore you.

Oh and just for the record both Margaret and David gave it 4 Stars...it doesn't get much better than that.

A Look Back on Sonic Adventure 2

After several days of posting spiteful commentaries I have decided do something a little different. Instead of crucifying a soft target I am here to stand in defence of Sonic Adventure 2. But before I suit up and start jumping into bullets I feel a bit of background needs to be explored. Asuming you already all about Sonic the Hedgehog and his populater series of 2D platforming games from the 16 bit era (if you don't know or care about Sonic this may not be the article for you) I'm just going to skip ahead to the very first Sonic Adventure game. Sonic Adventure was the first Sonic game to be released for Sega's ill-fated Dreamcast and promised to be just that; an adventure. As well as fast-paced 3D platforming action the game would feature an open world to explore and a more involved story that would come to life through various voice-acted cutscenes. This was a huge step for Sonic and in the end the game fell a little short of the mark. Whilst recieving fairly positive reviews the game managed to cause many fans to turn away from 3D Sonic games. The open world was largely empty, some character's individual adventures were either too short or poorly designed and the game was prone to some pretty bad glitches. To be honest this wasn't Sonic's worst game; other 3D titles such as Sonic 3D and Sonic the Hedgehog (360 and PS3) have caused many fans to renounce newer Sonic titles altogether. But I'm still a believer; a cautious one, but one all the same. I believe beause I've played Sonic Adventure 2.

The Sonic Team obviously reflected heavily on the successes and failures of the original SA when developing it's sequal. What they created was a well paced, more balanced and more fun Sonic experience. The aweful open world was amputated like a gangrenous limb and this helped the game progress at a much speedier and natural rate. Let's face it, a meandering Sonic game is not a true Sonic game. The different characters also get a more even story length than in its' predesessor. The other characters are also more fun to play than they were previously. It is a common criticism of SA2 that the treasure hunt and platform-shooter levels are alot less fun than the fast, action levels. While it's true to say that the latter is where the game truely shines the other levels I found to be a pleasant bit of variety well mixed into the rest of the game. Sonic is also given alot of new abilities; my favourite being the ability to grind down rails on Sonic's "Soap Shoes." The game is not without its flaws though. The camera in particular can be dodgy at times. But I stand by this game as one of Sonic's best. I still play the Gamecube version and Ihave actually enjoyed getting 100% completion. It's one of a very select few games that have had that kind of replay value for me. Whilst the purests may not appreciate it, I enjoyed it thoroughly and would recommend it to anybody who's interested.

Overall Score - 90/100

I liked it so fuck you!

Victoria Roberts is Shit

I'm going to skip the whole intro thing and just say it. I hate Victoria Roberts comics. Every week in the back page of The Weekend Australian Magazine, there she is. You can always rely on her cartoons being shit, just like you can rely on the changing tide. The thing that pisses me off the most is she gets paid for it. Does she have the fucking cushiest job in the word or what? I mean think about it, she gets a whole fucking week to work on this single frame and it never says anything sensible; and she gets paid. This stings especially hard for an unemployed soul such as me; slaving away on my blog trying to make it in this crazy world. Writing new posts everyday, hoping to hit the big time. I mean just have a look at the example I have provided. What IS it!? It's nothing. I mean some people think blogs are pretentious wank but holy shit, Victoria Roberts takes the cake and eats it too. This isn't even her at her worst. One week it was a picture of a naked woman holding a feather duster and jumping over a pot plant; the caption read "spring cleaning." I'm sorry if my blogs have quickly turned into bitchy rants but I must say that Victoria Roberts really, really, shits me. Tomorrow, just for a change, I promise I'll try and talk about something I actually LIKE.

Entertainment Industry 101

Some extremley wealthy people in the not too distant past came up with a very profitable idea that would be repeated over and over to become a very popular move in the entertainment industry. The idea is as follows: take an already rich and well-known personality and attach their name to anything remotely sellable; wringing all the possible profits out of them good and fast before said personality fucks up and spends the rest of their lives as headline fodder in Who Weekly (eg Paris Hilton). The advantage here is that the person is already famous and so all the promotional foundations have already been made and all that is left to do is to attach all the routine "talents" to the celebrity and watch as they generate money for an entire industry whilst slowly self-destructing. This is how it usually goes:

1. 
   
   Star of their own kids TV show (in which they sing the theme song)


2. 
   
   Merchandise for the TV show is released


3. 
   
   They release an album off the back of the talent they displayed for singing their own theme song


4. 
   
   They star in a movie


5. 
   
   They launch their own clothing lable/makeup lable/perfume lable


6. 
   
   They get photographed being drunk, pregnant, homosexual, bitchy or all of the above


7. 
   
   Their pure image tainted, the celebrity is replaced by a brand new, untainted celebrity


8. 
   
   The cycle repeats

One of the latest pre-teen, career launching TV shows is Zoey 101, starring Jamie Lynn Spears (famous for no other reason than being the younger sister of Britney Spears). Needless to say the show opens with a musical number by the up-and-coming star herself. I watched an episode of Zoey 101 on Rollercoaster the other day and I must say that it is the worst TV show in recent memory. Described generously by Wikipedia as "an American live-action situation comedy" the show follows in the tradition of shows like Lizzie McGuire except that in Zoey 101 everything is painfully worse. It features all the usual suspects; the male best friend with a hidden crush, the female best friend who is just a brunette version of the main character, the nerdy friend who is exploited for her knowledge, the self-obsessed bonehead, the younger brother; the list goes on and on.

Deciding to break no boundries at all, all themes in the show are based loosely around "teenage issues" but also try to maintain the purity of all the characters and actors. As an example of this, in the episode I watched the younger brother became involved with a juvenile delinquent character. To really drive her naughtiness home Zoey says that "she kisses boys on the mouth" and that she "wears too much makeup." Holy Shit! Mouth kissing? What a little slut. Why not also say she can't act and further amp up the hypocracy. The guy friend is also the most pussy whipped guy friend ever. He does ALL the dirty work for Zoey and gets fuck all in return. At one point he resists weakly for a second; Zoey says "pleeeeeaaaaase" and the poor, sexless sap caves like a Beaconsfield mine. The plot is slow moving and laboriously explained at every slight twist. The characters flop back and forth; in and out of fake relationships and in the end nobody ends up with anyone else and the status quo is returned - a clean slate ready for next week. Subtlety and realsim shit themselves and die right at the end when 2 of the characters clothes become invisible by an "anti-skunk-smell" spray. Seriously, this show is aweful and virtually unwatchable. Oh and incase you weren't aware, Jamie Lynn Spears got pregnant shortly before the show ended; thus tainting her pure image a little earlier than usual and making way for the next "American live-action situation comedy" to shamelessly cash in on.

Please Excuse the Odd Gaps

If I am yet lucky enough to have regular readers then they (ie. you) might have noticed a distinct lack of posts over the weekend. Reason; I had a very busy and exciting weekend. The REAL reason; brothers weren't at school and so I didn't have access to a PC. I have therefore decided to post some vague guidelines explaining how I plan to run this blog in the future (until I die of a drug overdose or fizzle out).

I will do my best to update this blog with fresh and exciting new posts every weekday. On weekends I will post when possible but I can't make any promises. I will however do my best to make up for the lack of weekend posts on Monday; when I come back to the blog refreshed and full of shiny new ideas (or a fuckload of old ones that I've polished up to look new).

The Infinite Possiblogities Guide to "Doing a Beardy"

To start things up we're probably going to need to identify what "Doing a Beardy" actually is. In short it is a local colloquialism describing the act of wandering back and forth through the main mall (or CBD) because there's fuck all else to do. Ok, now that we've put our urban dictionaries down it's time to get into it.

First up you should check and make sure you have no other commitments. If you have work or an exam for example, then now is probably not the time to do a Beardy. Another aspect to consider is the time. A prime time to be doing a Beardy is either between 12pm and 1pm or after school. These timeslots are the times when the mall is at it's busiest, thus increasing your chances of (A) Bumping unexpectedly into someone you know; or (B) seeing some humorous or strange human behaviour.

Please note: If you are trying to avoid someone you may want to consider very carefully which time would be best for you to partake in a Beardy.

To enchance your Beardy experience you may want to take some loose change with you. Perhaps consider going down or meeting up with a friend or two. Not only does a companion liven up the experience, but having someone with you makes you look less lonely and desperate and therefore, more approachable. Having a friend whom is more popular and sociable than you also helps.

Now on to locations. The mall has many wonderful and varied places to visit; from cafes to clothing stores. Feel free to do a little window shopping as you meander between shops. Perhaps if you are feeling peckish you may consider buying some food or drink items to help sustain yourself. If you have friends or family members who are working at a nearby store you may want to pop in and see how they're going. If you followed my earlier advice on choosing the right time they may be taking their luchbreak soon; opening up a possible hour or so in which you could "hang" with them.

That's about all there is to it. Remember, the most important thing of all is that you have fun. Well that and distracting youself from the fact that you're unemployed, socially unacceptable and probably a sevre burden to that popular, well-adjusted guy you keep bugging to go downtown with you.