One Part Scorn and Two Parts Love

If you happen to be one of the people unfortunate enough to be constantly exposed to me you will probably have noticed I'm pretty lazy when it comes to shaving. Of course growing facial hair has been a recent trend amounst my friends so maybe you haven't. The truth is though I hate shaving. Standing shirtless in your bathroom dragging a razor across your face whilst water turns cold on your body is not a pleasant experience. But the real unpleasantness will set in about a day later when your beard has rounded up more troops and gone on the offensive, causing an infuriating itch and giving you an unsightly rash. Scratching all the time can be a particularly good way to become less actractive and taken less seriously but on the other hand I'm not the kind of guy who can grow an awesome beard either and eventually the beard itches anyway; thus resulting in a lose - lose situation in which I just wish I could lurk in the middle somewhere avoiding the worst of both extremes.

Anyway because I've only just realised how short the post will be if it is exclusively on the topic of shaving I have decided it is time at long last for me to publically praise Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex. It is pretty much my favourite TV series. It is intelligent, philosophical and it warrents repeated viewing so that you can completely get your head around what it is they're suggesting. It makes you think and when you finally start to get it it makes you feel smart. All very good points. Unfortunately there ARE 2 things I dislike about it. One minor niggle is that the second season in named Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex 2nd Gig which is punishing to say in a sentence. It is perhaps lucky that people who watch alot of Sci-fi anime don't really have friends and so therefor aren't burdened with the task of having to pronounce the title out loud. That of course is a minor issue in the face of the larger one. There are these unnescessarily annoying AI characters that frequently adulterate this perfect series with their chirpy, child-like voices. The other characters seem completely oblivious to the overexcited nature of these AI units and actually *groan* grow attached to them. In one of the episodes it is actually revealed that these AI characters can actually willfully change their voices, making me question just how intelligent these AI's really are if their opting for the most horridly grating voices possible. I know I've probably made this show sound really aweful at this point, choosing to focus on the negatives but the way I figured it would be easier to say "it's perfect appart from this one little thing" than say "here is a long and thorough list of why GITS:SAC is awesome." Also, I'd like to add, on the off-chance that someone will actually listen and attempt to watch this show, that the series is a little slow to start. By the third episode it should be in full swing though.

Today on Infinite Possiblogities; Mr. B Reviews a Sack of Porn

Ahhh Monday. There's nothing like coming back from an excellent weekend with a brainload of new ideas to try out. Struggle as I did on Friday my post was sub-par to say the least (and complete shit to say the most). Anyway as luck would have it I had a moment of inspiration over this weekend. A dear old friend of mine is moving to the city. As we speak my simple country pal is headed for the "Big Smoke." Upon hearing this I feared for my friend; feared that in this dog-eat-dog world of ours my dear old friend may be chewed up and spit out by the city he hoped would make him big. Sometime before exchanging farewells I bestowed upon my firend some of the things I've learnt about showbiz. As the famous writer of a highly successful blog I felt it my duty to nurture this vulnerable sapling with the knowledge that success has brought me; hoping to help him blossom. As a token of appreciation my friend gave me an elf-hat and a sack of VHS porn. It was around this time that inspiration struck. Not only is porn a tool to aid sexual gratification but porn can also be really fucking funny. So for the benefit of all you folks out there with no desire at all to see Creme de la Face #6 I thought I'd share with you the funnier moments of porn.

Fuck that was a long intro! Anyway the first thing I found kinda strange is that alot of these tapes feel the need to add stupid, cheezy music. Why? Just because the movie is called Cum Eating Asians these people feel the need to add the clunks and twangs one asscociates with feudal Japan. I mean there are no samurai, kimono's, emperors or ninjas involved; just girls and dicks. Dialogue is another funny addition that some directors feel they need to add. These porn actors and actresses love a good chinwag (sounds kinda dirty in this context huh?). Heaps of questions and small talk. A few jokes to break the ice. What's with it? Perhaps these guys like to get to know a person before going all the way with them. Sounds reasonable, they probably don't want a rep for being "easy."

I'd also like to mention how funny Ben Dover is. Not only is he the first person to assume a prank call persona but he also has such style; rockin' a pink tank top and a hairdo like Robert Plant. Yuk, yuk, YUKKY! Good thing he spends most of the time behind the camera and not being seen. Another example of a strange dress code is the guy who is almost completely naked. The almost here being the strange bit. All he is wearing is a baseball cap. Does he feel naked without it?

Weatherwoman

Seeing as how I'm already into the cult Japanese movie reviews I decided to turn my attention to Weatherwoman. This "wickedly funny, over-the-top farce" (quoted from the New York Times) makes movies like Scary Movie look sensible. However that comparison is probably a little unfair on Weatherwoman because, let's face it, Scary Movie is a shitty spot-the-pop-reference spoof movie whilst Weatherwoman manages the be crazy and amusing all off its own merits. Unlike The Princess Blade, Weatherwoman perfectly delivers what it promises. It says it'll be a crazy, raunchy, Japanese comedy and it pretty much cracks all the jokes whilst rubbing its crotch and crackin' the whip. But whilst The Princess Blade was a little mediocre, it's potential to appeal to a wider audience is probably greater than that of Weatherwoman. In other words, it may not be your cup of tea, but I certainly liked it enough to buy it so if anyone feels like giving it a shot you know who to holla at. The humour feels VERY Japanese. Let me just give you a run down of what kind of things this movie will treat you to:

• A sexually empowered weatherwoman who "reinvents" weather reporting by flashing her panties during every forecast


• A jealous rival determined to claim the position of weatherwoman and "reinvent" it in her own way


• A pathetically wimpy, yet totally obsessed fan


• A perverted old man (actually there's probably a fair few)


• A lot of dominatrix style behaviour


• A magical whip that gives you superpowers if you can endure being repeatedly whipped by it


• Several incidents of jumping off high buildings


• Two really horrid song and dance numbers *shudder*


• A publically broadcast weatherwoman showdown

Seriously though, this is only really scraping the surface. There's alot of crazy shit going on in this movie. Again this is reasonalby short movie (clocking in at 85 mins) so perhaps it's worth checking out if only to get yourself some cult movie cred.

The Princess Blade.Hot Asian Swordstress, What More Could You Want?

Well, quite alot actually.

When I finally sat down to watch The Princess Blade (conveniently taped from SBS some time ago) I was expecting a hack 'n' slash action movie with a blood and gore rating somewhere between very high and Quentin Tarantino. SBS warned me that the movie was rated MAV (meaning mature adult violence I believe) and only hightened my expectations. What I saw, however, was a movie that never seemed quite sure what it wanted to achieve. Sword fighting scenes showed alot of promise but the convoluted story cock-blocked the sword fights every time things started get a bit frisky. In the 90 minutes of movie only about 20 mins are dedicated to combat. The rest of the story is mildly interesting but clashes horribly with the story in which the fighting happens, neither one coming accross as fully fleshed out. There is, howver, some enjoyment to be had here. Sound FX and the musical score are quite pleasing. The sounds of swordfights, the clicking of a loaded gun and the sounds of footsteps on various surfaces all sound really good. I mean REALLY good. For some reason the sound FX kinda made this movie for me. In a way the combat sounds better than it looks, kinda funny that. The acting is a mixed bag, sometimes satisfying but often just bland. The lead actress who plays the brutal hottie isn't particularly good, but she does have quite a piercing gaze to go with her piercing katana. In the end it's hard to say how I feel about this movie. It's not great, it's not bad and it's also not very long. You may find it worth watching, who knows? It's underwhelming but there are certainly worse ways of spending 90mins.