36 Crazy Fists

Before I put on my reviewer's hat I'd just like to say that the DVD coner for 36 Crazy Fists (aka The Blood Pact) is a large collection of lies. The front cover features a large and recent picture of Jackie Chan striking a cool pose. This is a lie because the film is from 1977 and does NOT star Jackie Chan. Chan does (I believe) direct it however. It's actually hard to establish what is true and what is false because the DVD cover contradicts itself and the movie in many places. But I digress.

36 Crazy Fists is a martial arts/comedy movie and features some of the worst dubbing I've ever seen. I'm sure you've heard THAT before but I'd just like to point out that there would never have been a village in ancient China where every resident had a cockney accent. But it's not just the dubbing, some of the dialogue appears to be quite poorly translated. But whatever right? It's a martial arts movie not fucking Amelie, the dialogue is hardly the point. All that matters is that it's funny and the fighting is cool. Whilst this is not the greatest martial arts movie I've ever seen it certainly delivers some decent fighting and chucks in some reasonably funny jokes. For a little while at the films beginning I was a little concerned that this would be another Princess Blade; failing to deliver on what it promises. But after about 10-15 minutes of patchy storytelling the movie picks up and the choreography kicks in. Again, it's decent but nothing you wouldn't have seen before. Perhaps the most enjoyment to be gotten here is found in the age of the film itself. It's about 30 years old, lacks visual quality, has a pretty shitty story that is only worsened by the choppy translations. These may sound like bad things but in a way it's kind of endearing. It has an oldschool charm to it. You may be underwhelmed but then you remember that this was before special effects and there is not a stunt double to be seen. In a way it's kind of hard to say what I thought of this movie. For every good point there's a bad one, but I still managed to enjoy it.

A Look Back on The Games

No, it's not what you're thinking. I'm not going to rant on and on about Beijing until the opening cermony in London. But seeing as how we're already in the Olympic spirit I want to look back on The Games. It was an ABC mockumentary that aired in the leadup to the Sydney 2000 Olympics. Anybody remember it? If you don't there's no reason to panic, I'm here to enlighten you. First up I'm gonna just come clean and say

"The Games is my all time favourite Australian comedy"

- Mr.B

You can sure as hell quote me on that. Hell, you can insult people on my behalf who say anything to the contrary. You could name other Aussie comedies all day longs if you like but I'll say the same thing every time. The Games is better. If that's not a recommendation then I don't know what is. I actually sorta don't want to talk about it too much because if anything that will make you less inclined to watch it. So let me just toss a few facts your way.

1. 
   
   If you like Frontline or The Hollowmen, you should watch it


2. 
   
   If you're a fan of Gina Riley from Kath and Kim, you should watch it


3. 
   
   If you even mildly enjoy John Clarke and Brian Dawe do their comedy interviews on the 7:30 report, you should watch it


4. 
   
   Mockumentaries? Watch it


5. 
   
   Olympic Scandal? Watch it


6. 
   
   Political Sceptic? Watch it


7. 
   
   Watch it? WATCH IT!

Today on Infinite Possiblogities; Mr. B Reviews a Sack of Porn

Ahhh Monday. There's nothing like coming back from an excellent weekend with a brainload of new ideas to try out. Struggle as I did on Friday my post was sub-par to say the least (and complete shit to say the most). Anyway as luck would have it I had a moment of inspiration over this weekend. A dear old friend of mine is moving to the city. As we speak my simple country pal is headed for the "Big Smoke." Upon hearing this I feared for my friend; feared that in this dog-eat-dog world of ours my dear old friend may be chewed up and spit out by the city he hoped would make him big. Sometime before exchanging farewells I bestowed upon my firend some of the things I've learnt about showbiz. As the famous writer of a highly successful blog I felt it my duty to nurture this vulnerable sapling with the knowledge that success has brought me; hoping to help him blossom. As a token of appreciation my friend gave me an elf-hat and a sack of VHS porn. It was around this time that inspiration struck. Not only is porn a tool to aid sexual gratification but porn can also be really fucking funny. So for the benefit of all you folks out there with no desire at all to see Creme de la Face #6 I thought I'd share with you the funnier moments of porn.

Fuck that was a long intro! Anyway the first thing I found kinda strange is that alot of these tapes feel the need to add stupid, cheezy music. Why? Just because the movie is called Cum Eating Asians these people feel the need to add the clunks and twangs one asscociates with feudal Japan. I mean there are no samurai, kimono's, emperors or ninjas involved; just girls and dicks. Dialogue is another funny addition that some directors feel they need to add. These porn actors and actresses love a good chinwag (sounds kinda dirty in this context huh?). Heaps of questions and small talk. A few jokes to break the ice. What's with it? Perhaps these guys like to get to know a person before going all the way with them. Sounds reasonable, they probably don't want a rep for being "easy."

I'd also like to mention how funny Ben Dover is. Not only is he the first person to assume a prank call persona but he also has such style; rockin' a pink tank top and a hairdo like Robert Plant. Yuk, yuk, YUKKY! Good thing he spends most of the time behind the camera and not being seen. Another example of a strange dress code is the guy who is almost completely naked. The almost here being the strange bit. All he is wearing is a baseball cap. Does he feel naked without it?

Weatherwoman

Seeing as how I'm already into the cult Japanese movie reviews I decided to turn my attention to Weatherwoman. This "wickedly funny, over-the-top farce" (quoted from the New York Times) makes movies like Scary Movie look sensible. However that comparison is probably a little unfair on Weatherwoman because, let's face it, Scary Movie is a shitty spot-the-pop-reference spoof movie whilst Weatherwoman manages the be crazy and amusing all off its own merits. Unlike The Princess Blade, Weatherwoman perfectly delivers what it promises. It says it'll be a crazy, raunchy, Japanese comedy and it pretty much cracks all the jokes whilst rubbing its crotch and crackin' the whip. But whilst The Princess Blade was a little mediocre, it's potential to appeal to a wider audience is probably greater than that of Weatherwoman. In other words, it may not be your cup of tea, but I certainly liked it enough to buy it so if anyone feels like giving it a shot you know who to holla at. The humour feels VERY Japanese. Let me just give you a run down of what kind of things this movie will treat you to:

• A sexually empowered weatherwoman who "reinvents" weather reporting by flashing her panties during every forecast


• A jealous rival determined to claim the position of weatherwoman and "reinvent" it in her own way


• A pathetically wimpy, yet totally obsessed fan


• A perverted old man (actually there's probably a fair few)


• A lot of dominatrix style behaviour


• A magical whip that gives you superpowers if you can endure being repeatedly whipped by it


• Several incidents of jumping off high buildings


• Two really horrid song and dance numbers *shudder*


• A publically broadcast weatherwoman showdown

Seriously though, this is only really scraping the surface. There's alot of crazy shit going on in this movie. Again this is reasonalby short movie (clocking in at 85 mins) so perhaps it's worth checking out if only to get yourself some cult movie cred.