Just One Last Thing...

I didn't wake up with a hangover the other morning. Had a pretty crazy night though which included watching a friend yelling at some sus 40 year old lesbian cowgirl and watching some other friends become the victims of some random acts of violence. Those dirty hoodlums. For shame.

Replaying Majora's Mask

Quite a large amount of the gaming community agree that The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time is one of the greatest games ever made ever. I remember my first moments with the game. Slotting that unique gold cartridge into my Nintendo 64 and becomming entrenched in a world of legend, adventure and an amazing amount of character depth. I spent much of my youth familiarising myself with this world. I played the game the whole way through many, many times. More times than any other game. I have never experienced anything like it since then.

Several years later there was to be a second Zelda game released on the Nintendo 64. I have just refamiliarised myself with it recently infact. So I thought that tonight I'd review The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask.

Majora's Mask is set immediately after the events of Ocarina of Time and see's Link stumble into a parallel world. It is a strange, twisted version of Hyrule (the world from OoT). Characters from OoT are reimagined and it's actually quite alot of fun to see how they've changed and how they've stayed the same to their OoT counterparts. It's quite a strange semi-nostalgic feeling actually. The tone of the game is much darker than any other in the Zelda series. I'm actually inclined to think that the world is dark, twisted, nostalgic and emotive because it reflects the way Link feels about leaving Hyrule; the world in which he was a hero. Majora's Mask is a story of regret, love, loneliness and annihilation.

Blah blah blah. Lets get on to gameplay. Many aspects of OoT's gameplay have returned but there are some interesting new additions. The main new feature is alot like Back to the Future. But instead of going back in time and making out with your mum Majora's Mask has you relive the same 3 days over and over in order to stop the moon from crushing the world. I guess it's a little more like groundhog day but then I wouldn't have been able to make wise cracks about Marty making out with his mum, so I stand by my choice of comparison. Anyway, because of this the game's main quest is substantionally shortened to make room for many more side-quests. Fear not because this is good for 2 reasons. One, the main quest is actually a bit harder than OoT anyway and two the side quests are based around interactions with all the characters in the world and getting to know their habits on a 3 day basis. Having said that though the time travel can be a bit frustrating. There's nothing like completing 45mins worth of a quest only to fuck upsomething major and have to travel back in time to start the whole damn thing over again. The game does accomodate for this in some respects by giving you options to speed up, slow down and skip ahead in time but it doesn't always cover all the damage. On the whole I think Majora's Mask is quite an excellent game but not quite on the same level as Ocarina of Time, but seeing as how Ocarina of Time is damn near perfect anyway I wouldn't let that trouble you too much. I'd give it 9/10.

(Yeah yeah I know it was a boring serious review but I'm struggling to come up with posts these days).

The Celebration

Dear Readers,
I am a little bit pissed right now (as in alcohol) because I just landed myself a job at Sam's Warehouse and my bro's and ho's had their last day at school today. Celebrations all round, I do declare. I must say that Sam's Warehouse (owned by Sam don'tcha know?) was mighty quick to get me on the team. I only handed my resume to them yesterday and 24 hours later I'm celebrating success.It certainly puts Sanity to shame, those guys left it to me to chase it up weeks later and even then it was prognosis negative. So I guess it's mood swings ahoy these days, what with being all bitter and twisted 2 days ago an all and now being super happy like a Japanese bubble gum factory (what the fuck am I on about?). Anyway, because I'm sooo good to my fans and because I love you alll sooo much (sheds a tear) I thought I'd let you know and I'll continue to keep you up to date with every little thing in my life that I feel like reviewing or writing about. Forgive all my inconsistancies, typo's and shitty articles coz I love all you cunts. I rant, I ramble, I blog. And I do it all for you.

PS. If I remember tomorrow's post might be a "Saterday Hangover Special"...stay tuned.

Chill Out Mr. B, Just Watch Some House to Take Your Mind Off

It's nice to occasionally be reminded I have readers. I blog day in and day out and only really get comments when I make refernces to porn or go completely nuts because I'm still miserably unemployed. Anyway after yesterdays outburst which seemed to make you all a little uncomfortable (thanks for the feedback guys) I actually felt alot better. The rest of my day was actually alot better. My aunt has offered me some reasonable summer time work (gardening and lawn mowing) out of sympathy for her pathetic nephew and in the 'eve I sat down with my bro's and ho's to watch the first episode of the brand new season of House. In case you've never heard of house I thought I'd better start by saying "get away from the computer, you'll break it! Go back to your cave!" That's right. Everybody knows who and what House is. Let me just say that House is one of my favourite things. It's right up there with Ghost in the Shell, The Games, Zelda and Cum Eating Asians (just thought I'd chuck that one in for old times sake). Season five is off to a captivating start and after the first episode I just wished I had the damn thing on DVD so I could punish the whole thing in a few days like the TV-to-DVD junkie I am. By the end of it all I had completely gotten over my Sanity insanity (Haw...Haw...Haw...). Anyway so today I was back on the horse riding into a sunset of employment. Armed with about 20 resumes I took to the streets in search of Positions Vacant. Crazy Clarks and the Reject Shop were both after Christmas staff and one of the bottle shops had just had someone leave, so fingers crossed.

PS. I know one of you will probably email me about how I didn't spend enough time talking about House, even though it's in the title. Don't bother. You know who you are.

The Interview Part II

"Unfortunately you have been unsuccessful this time." Fuck you Sanity! I can't belive they left me hanging for almost five days longer than they said they would. I'm sure they would've done so for longer too had I not been chasing them up all damn day. How do you end up with that job anyway? The one were you sit around promising to phone people but never fucking doing it. Jesus I am angry and bitter about this! It's so damn disheartening. Why don't people want me working for them? I would be fucking awesome. The kind of employee who would take all your crap, take pride in his job and do whatever's necessary. I would've made people feel awesome about buying whatever crap they listen to. "Yeah the new Pete Murray album is supposed to be really good." "I've heard great things about the Billie Joe Armstrong solo album."But oh well, I guess it just wasn't meant to be. I guess I'll just have to wait another couple of months or so until something else comes up for me.

Recaps and Changes

Just to recap how hard Alex Kidd in Miracle World really truely is just get a load of this pic. Last time I played this is where I got to. This is the furthest I've ever been in this game and I've pretty much given in at this point. Just remember that in THIS game Alex automatically floats upward and so as well as moving left and right it is also necessary to hold down at certain points. Not TOO much of course because then you'd simply get spiked from below. Fuck! That's all I can say.

Now I'm guessing that if there is anyone out there who is still interested at all in my blog they're probably wondering whether I got that Sanity job. The answer is...no idea. Miss Sanity at HR never called me back, despite her promise. I called up the local branch and quizzed the manager and he assured me that they should be calling back soon. "Give 'em a couple more days" he said. He explained that they're doing a LOT of interviews at the moment. So fair enough...I'll just wait some more and so will you.

Added a few "Gadgets" to my blog. You can now see what other blogs I read, subscribe to my blog and inflate my ego by becomming a fan. I currently have zero fans listed but I predict it will get pretty busy in that little box soon. So if you want some bragging rights for when I'm famous you should definately be the first to sign up. Another new change is that I've started wearing shorts. It went from fucking eskimo weather to flippin'...I dunno, it was just really hot, ok?

They Don't Make Them Like This Anymore

I know that at least a few of you can remember this game. Alex Kidd in Miracle World. I was playing this game with a friend this afternoon and let me tell you it can be pretty hard. Punching Pterodactils (a good spelling attempt there) in the face, jumping lava pits, running from ghosts and challenging bosses to rock, paper, scizzors can actually be pretty tough. It occured to me that games just aren't like this anymore. They've softened up. Become easier. Partly, I feel, due to better design, but more so due to the fact that video games are becoming a very popular form of entertainment. But in an attempt to please everyone games have started to lose their edge in some respects. This is probably why we're seeing such a strong return of the "oldschool" gaming era (particularly with the Super Nintendo). Don't get me wrong, I think that there are alot of fantastic games in the modern era (Portal, Braid, Zelda and Metroid just to name a few) and I think more are soon to come. But I don't remember the last time I felt as on edge as I felt this afternoon as I sat up, ridged as fuck, taping the jump and punch buttons, trying to time everything PER-FECT-LY! It was simple, punishing and addictive. The game wailed on us furiously but we always came back for more, just to see if we could push ourselves that little bit further into the next level. There are no saved games in Alex Kidd; game over sends you all the way back with nothing at all. All you can do is hope you've learned from your previous mistakes. Alex Kidd was never a perfect game and soon the ex-mascot would be tossed aside in favour of Sega's more well-known Sonic the Hedgehog. But Alex Kidd is a reminder of just how far we've come in the past couple of decades in terms of gaming and just how much as changed. For better and for worse.

Sonic VS. Mario

Here's a battle older than time itself. For many years now, as the young adults of today were growing up, a fierce war was waged between Sega and Nintendo. Phantasy Star against Final Fantasy; Master System against NES; CD against cartridge. But none of that compared to the all consuming ravialry between Sega's Sonic and Nintendo's Mario. The war has more or less died now that Sega has dropped out of the console wars to develope software, but I'm here today to put the 2 mascots back under the microscope and compare them to decide who is better once and for all.

Sidekicks

Every good hero needs a sidekick. Someone to bail them out of trouble, offer comic relief or even just someone whom the hero looks better than by comparison. Mario's usual and most popular sidekick is his brother Luigi. Luigi is often overshadowed by his more popular brother but Luigi is arguably better than Mario. Luigi can jump higher, is more easygoing and just isn't out to impress the way Mario is. The Paper Mario series always characatures him as the unnoticed, inperceptive and even cowardly sidekick but then when it comes time to prove himself as Mario's equal he never backs down. The truth is Luigi is quite a character all on his own, perhaps even more so than vanilla Mario. Then there's Sonic's sidekick Tails (or Miles "Tails" Prower for all you well read Sonic fans out there) who comes across as a pathetic, iritating child in desperate need of some "maning the fuck up." Tails is a little bitch, plain and simple. His theme tunes in the Sonic Adventure games are always sung by females and he seems to fall apart without Sonic there to hold his hand through it all. He's a sus dude alright. Winner - Mario

The Herioc Quest

A hero can only be a hero if he has a quest. Some good deeds to do, someone to save. Every hero needs to do something to earn that title. In Mario's case, the heroism extends as far as rescuing the same stupid Princess over and over and over in the vain hope of getting some pussy or maybe even just getting some money so that he can retire. Mario never seems to get much out of these quests other than the odd kiss or a cake. So how much good does Mario do? Not heaps to be honest. Sure he's determined to get some respect from Peach but all he ever does is rescue the same girl over and over. Surely there are others in more dire need than the incredably thick Princess. Sonic on the other hand has freed thousands of animals from the cruel experiments of a demented scientist, thwarted several plans for global dictatorship and even brought the world back from the brink of the Appocolypse on several occasions. He has some seriously boss adventures. Winner - Sonic

Theme Tunes

Every hero needs one of these, otherwise how would you know they were winning? Mario has kept his simple tune for many years now. It's as recognisable as tunes get these days. People remix it, rap over it and cover it on the piano, guitar and even in orchestras. Sonic on the other hand ditched his old 16 Bit tunes for Jap-Rock. Some people like that kinda stuff, I don't mind it too much at times but overall it's pretty shitty and it leaves Sonic without a consistant tune to call his very own. No orchestras, no remix, not even a ringtone. Mario smokes Sonic in this category. Winner - Mario

Selling Out

I think it's pretty safe to say that Mario wins this category hands down. Mario has been used to sell pasta, shampoo and all sorts of rubbish. Mario has had a gazillion guest appearances in shitty games and is probably only likely to get worse. Mario knows it too, the whole Paper Mario series seems to self-parody the situations Mario finds himself in these days. Not that Sonic is guilt free here either. Sonic's had his fair share of comic books and cartoons that don't fit together in the slightest. But seeing as how Sonic is less popular than Mario these days, Sonic just doesn't seem to sell the shirts the way Mario does. Winner - Mario

Brawlin'

There is one simple way to determine who is the champion mascot these days and that's by battling them out in Super Smash Bros Brawl. Of course the better player is the one who wins in the end, not the actual mascot. So I decided to set them both up as CPU's on the hardest dificulty. Items were turned off and the level was Final Destination so as to limit the amount of chance that was in play during this important battle. And the Winner is...MARIO!

It seems that despite all that Sonic had going for him he just couldn't beat Mario in a duel. I was surprised, I've always thought that the winner would be Sonic because of his speed and his spikey head (how's Mario gonna jump on that shit?). Seems my faith was missplaced on this occasion though. But Sonic holds a very special place in my heart. Sonic the Hedgehog was my first true obsession as a child and even though he just can't make a 3D game like Mario can, a part of me still loves him to bits.

The Interview part 1

I have spent all morning on my bed, phone by my side running over answers in my head in anticipation of the phone interview I was about to have. Yes, that's right. Mr. B could soon be working at the local Sanity store. Not only would this be a source of income it may also give me new posting topics. Anyway I had the interview and felt pretty good about it. At this point I'd like to say just how cool phone interviews are. None of this wondering if you'll look well dressed or like a mommy's boy, over the phone you're judged in areas I feel much more comfortable in. There I was, in a familiar and comfortable environment, trying to impress the interviewer in my PJ's. Anyway whether I get the job or not I'll be told by Friday and I'll pass the verdict on to you. Will it be a moment of glory or failure? Stay tuned and find out!

The Catch Up

Far out I've been shit to my blog the past week. If I.P. was my child then I'm pretty sure a concerned neighbour would have dobbed me in to the cops by now and my face would be all over the evening news. The truth of the matter is that the past week has been a fairly full one. Now because I'm fairly sure that the whole point of blogging is to inflict the tales of your own exciting (or boring) lives upon the public I feel that I should give a bit of a rundown on what I've been up to the past week.

Monday was one of the few days this week where I actually DID blog. After giving Femalien the thumbs down I played Super Paper Mario for a considerable hunk of the day. At some point later on in the evening My friends, brothers, girlfriend (just for the record I'm not one of those guys who calls his girlfriend "My Girlfriend" all the time like it's her name, I'm just not down with giving out names on my blog) and I went to the local art gallery to see the Year 12 Major Works Exhibition. Art, Dance, Music and Drama students all showed off their hard work and took comfort in the knowledge that at least one (maybe two or three for some students) large part of the HSC was over.

Tuesday I was feeling pretty guilty about the fact that I hadn't been doing any TAFE work the previous day. So what did I do? Well I went on a picnic with a few of my friends and had a jolly old time at the park until the weather turned against us. I then declined an offer to go to the movies because of that aweful feeling of falling behind I had got from ignoring TAFE the past couple of days.

Wednesday I did TAFE until about 7pm when I met up with a few of my friends to go see Cog live. I enjoyed the show immensly. I liked how close I could easily get to the band because of the smallish venue. Saw some sus chick whoring it up with two different guys and we got rubbish hurled at us for dissing on Disturbed. An awesome night out I'd say.

Thursday I woke up at the GF's house and looked after her for a while because she was unwell. When I got home I immediately went to The Escapist to watch the new Zero Punctuation video (did anyone follow that link when I posted about him? You can tell me he's shit if you like, I won't get offended). Played some Fable and NiGHTS: Journey of Dreams. Oh and I also posted that day, vowing never to miss a day of posting again.

Friday I didn't post again. Did a few Beardy's with some friends. Visited sick GF. Had dinner. Had a humiliating game of pool in an unfamiliar pool environment (our usual pick of the pubs for pool was having a filthy function and as a result excluded us fron the pool tables). Feeling ashamed we went to a friends house and watched 10 Items or Less for a little bit. Then I went home, woke up, ate breakfast, made myself a pretty bad coffee and wrote this boring post. Enjoy.

In the Dead of Night

As I have made mention of in previous posts I am unemployed and as an unemployed bum it is my duty to be awake at 1 or 2am every night. Sometimes I'll be playing through a game that I love more than food and showering and other times I'll be watching some late night TV. Now late night TV, as we all know I'm sure, can be a mixed bag. The mixed bag in this case is 90% soft core mobile phone porn, religious broadcasts and infomercials. The other 10% is what I consider to be a watchable television program. Anyway though lets just backtrack a little to talk about those fucking mobile ads. You know the ones right? "Free Adult Babe Videos" and what-have-you when all you want is to watch the rest of Flight of the Concords. Who actually buys this shit? If I wanted porn I'm quite capable of finding it for free on the net, my computer's also got a bigger and better screen than any mobile phone I've ever seen. I can just imagine the kind of seedy insomniacs who would subscribe to this shit, laying on the couch in front of the TV squinting at the boobies on their mobile screen. But then another thought struck me. As I mentioned earlier in the post I am unemployed and I'm pretty sure that the majority of people who are watching TV at this hour are in a similar situation. Somehow I can't see very many people with no incomes paying $4 (or whatever) for a girl in her underpants moaning and writhing around on her bed in a way that, to me, says "seizure" more than "orgasm." But whatever, I guess I don't really care who buys this shit. After all it's just some shitty mobile club designed to wring money out of unwary saps. So next time you're up late and all alone do yourself a favour, instead of paying a rediculous amount on money just go to the internet. Here's two sites for you that should help get you started (incase you're an idiot you probably shouldn't view these at work)

www.pichunter.com

www.youporn.com

Beam Me Up

Aside from being an extremely shitty Urban Dictionary entry by "doo doo dicky" (see picture to the left) Femalien is an extremely shitty erotica from 1996 that can be found in the "adult" section of your local video rental outlet. It features all the full frontal nudity and simulated sex you come to expect from an erotica but also has an aweful story that will amuse you with its crappiness for maybe 15 mins or so. Straight up, Femalien should not be confused for pornography. Although your mum may not care for the difference if she walks in on you watching it, Femalien is not porn. Just to make the difference between erotica and porn clear; porn is designed to show explicit scenes of sex whilst erotica is more a story with sexual themes. "Boring!" I hear my readers cry; so lets get down to the naughty bits. To it's credit Femalien features some hot chicks whose anatomy the viewer becomes quite accustomed to. That's about it for the good points, so to its' discredit Femalien features...

1. Horrible music during the "lovemaking"
2. The lamest sci-fi story which is...
3. ...made worse by terrible acting
4. Several scenes of boring simulated sex that nobody even seems into
5. Well that's about it actually, but 1-4 do feature in almost every scene in this damn movie

Anyway seeing as how I DID make a bit of a big deal about the whole Femalien-not-porn-it's-erotica thing I suppose I HAD better cover the story a little. Femalien is an alien sent to Earth on a mission to study the mating habits of humans. On Earth she takes on the appearance of a large breasted female and goes out to perve on couples, seduce men and women and sleep with some guy in order to help out one of her brand new Earth buddies (before fucking them). It's kind of ironic that this disguise of hers is so revealing most of the time, don'tcha think? I mean in the traditional sense a disguise puts you in mind of large trenchcoats, dark glasses or even one of those humorous glasses, fake nose with moustache combos you can get at party shops. Actually this whole movie kinda gives off those party shop vibes. I can just imagine this movie being watched at a buck's party whilst waiting for the strippers to come. I also thinks it rather strange that after the seduction the Femalien beams her prey to her love pad and the subject of her sexual experiment hardly seems to care. A quick look about and the utterance of "weird, how did you do that?" followed by a vague answer like "I have magnetic attraction" is all that is required to put their minds at rest before they get it on. I personally, in this situation, would question a little further than that.

"Seriously! I'm not fucking around! How did you do that? I need answers. Look, if there isn't a completely inncoent answer as to why I am all of a sudden on your bed I'm leaving. So if you just let me call a taxi or something I'll be on my way."

Kameo Review

Kameo is a fairly old Xbox 360 game by now but I've recently played it through so I thought I'd have a shot at reviewing it. The story goes that Kameo's sister, Kalus, is a jealous bitch who, in reaction to Kameo inheriting the powers she wanted, awakens the King of the Trolls, Thorn. Kameo has her powers stolen and must get them back again one by one and then beat Thorn blah blah blah. The plot isn't that exciting or complex because this is a game for all ages. That's not to say it's a kids game exactly, more like, say, a Mario or Banjo Kazooie game that can be enjoyed by everyone for any number of reasons. Kameo is not, however, as good as Banjo Kazooie (both games incidentally are made by Rare). Throughout the game I felt that Kameo actually came close to being a great game at times but there was always a control issue or bad design that constantly inhibited the fun. Pressing both triggers at the same time to execute a specific attack, for example, is unnecessarily clumsy when the 2 perfectly good bumper buttons go unused. Character movement also feels a bit loose at times, with the controls either being over sensitive or unresponsive. Another example of bad design is when you are given the task of protecting a giant...thing while he walks along and breaks down gates for you. Sounds reasonable enough but protection missions can be pretty shitty sometimes and this one was particularly bad when the giant was crossing a bridge and in the process blocking it off from me. So whilst I struggled to circumnavigate this large creature about 20 enemies were happily slicing at his giant Achilles tendons, completely unchallenged. The game is also a little short but I can't say that I found this to be too much of a problem because had it in fact been any longer it would've only drawn more attention to it's lacking design. Anyway, in the end Kameo is a short game that can be gotten relatively cheaply these days. There's enjoyment hidden away behind some flaws but maybe Kameo would be best enjoyed as a rental, not a purchase. 7/10

One Part Scorn and Two Parts Love

If you happen to be one of the people unfortunate enough to be constantly exposed to me you will probably have noticed I'm pretty lazy when it comes to shaving. Of course growing facial hair has been a recent trend amounst my friends so maybe you haven't. The truth is though I hate shaving. Standing shirtless in your bathroom dragging a razor across your face whilst water turns cold on your body is not a pleasant experience. But the real unpleasantness will set in about a day later when your beard has rounded up more troops and gone on the offensive, causing an infuriating itch and giving you an unsightly rash. Scratching all the time can be a particularly good way to become less actractive and taken less seriously but on the other hand I'm not the kind of guy who can grow an awesome beard either and eventually the beard itches anyway; thus resulting in a lose - lose situation in which I just wish I could lurk in the middle somewhere avoiding the worst of both extremes.

Anyway because I've only just realised how short the post will be if it is exclusively on the topic of shaving I have decided it is time at long last for me to publically praise Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex. It is pretty much my favourite TV series. It is intelligent, philosophical and it warrents repeated viewing so that you can completely get your head around what it is they're suggesting. It makes you think and when you finally start to get it it makes you feel smart. All very good points. Unfortunately there ARE 2 things I dislike about it. One minor niggle is that the second season in named Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex 2nd Gig which is punishing to say in a sentence. It is perhaps lucky that people who watch alot of Sci-fi anime don't really have friends and so therefor aren't burdened with the task of having to pronounce the title out loud. That of course is a minor issue in the face of the larger one. There are these unnescessarily annoying AI characters that frequently adulterate this perfect series with their chirpy, child-like voices. The other characters seem completely oblivious to the overexcited nature of these AI units and actually *groan* grow attached to them. In one of the episodes it is actually revealed that these AI characters can actually willfully change their voices, making me question just how intelligent these AI's really are if their opting for the most horridly grating voices possible. I know I've probably made this show sound really aweful at this point, choosing to focus on the negatives but the way I figured it would be easier to say "it's perfect appart from this one little thing" than say "here is a long and thorough list of why GITS:SAC is awesome." Also, I'd like to add, on the off-chance that someone will actually listen and attempt to watch this show, that the series is a little slow to start. By the third episode it should be in full swing though.

A TV Sunday

On Sunday when I crawled out of bed I was in no condition to do anything other than lay on the lounge and watch TV. It was horrible Sunday TV so you can imagine the state I was in. Anyway I clicked around for a while and ended up watching the latter half of some rigidly formulaic movie starring Chevy Chase (how could you?) and some stupid 90's kid. The cool thing about it was the Indian version of the Scouts that all the characters took part in. There were many horrid stereotypes popular of the 90's movie perid such as the incompotent "baddies," the "trying his best" stepdad and the "you're not my father," plotting stepson. Something I found amusingly uninformed was when the kids started talking about gaming (*groan* go my readers). I guess it was the 90's and the internet was just a series of strange noises so the writers could be forgiven for not being able to look up "popular games" on the internet. So when the kids talk about "Super Evil Martian Zapper 3000" (or whatever they supposed was an accurate game title) I had to smile at the poor old writers who were just trying to make the kid seem cool.

Anyway next up was this show called something along the lines of Hunters Hunted. It's one of those "increadable survival", reinacted thingies that always feature the most raspy, American voice overs. Seriously this guy sounded like he had only just been hunted himself and he decided to do the voice over from his hospital bed. Why do they have to TRY so damn hard to wring all the drama out of these stories as humanly possible? It's over dramatisation to the extreme. To the max. Pushin' it to the EDGE! Sorry about that. Anyway it was a bit shitty.

Then in an attempt to avoid whatever came on this channel next (can't remember, but it was less appealing than Hunters Hunted, which is saying something) I flipped over and ended up watching a show called Weighing In (or the Weigh In or something) which was pretty entertaining. It was one of those shows where you either laugh at or feel sorry for (don't kid yourselves) fat kids struggling to stop eating. I mean seriously the interviewer asked the kids what their favourite foods were, somewhat mocking their plight. This was the best thing I watched all day. There was this hilarious boy of middle eastern background who said the funniest stuff. Quoting him just can't do him justice because his delivery was spot on. I want to watch it again, but I can't see it in this weeks The Guide (+ Icon). Anyway it was about 4pm at this stage and I finally felt up to eating something and getting changed out of my PJ's. The End.

36 Crazy Fists

Before I put on my reviewer's hat I'd just like to say that the DVD coner for 36 Crazy Fists (aka The Blood Pact) is a large collection of lies. The front cover features a large and recent picture of Jackie Chan striking a cool pose. This is a lie because the film is from 1977 and does NOT star Jackie Chan. Chan does (I believe) direct it however. It's actually hard to establish what is true and what is false because the DVD cover contradicts itself and the movie in many places. But I digress.

36 Crazy Fists is a martial arts/comedy movie and features some of the worst dubbing I've ever seen. I'm sure you've heard THAT before but I'd just like to point out that there would never have been a village in ancient China where every resident had a cockney accent. But it's not just the dubbing, some of the dialogue appears to be quite poorly translated. But whatever right? It's a martial arts movie not fucking Amelie, the dialogue is hardly the point. All that matters is that it's funny and the fighting is cool. Whilst this is not the greatest martial arts movie I've ever seen it certainly delivers some decent fighting and chucks in some reasonably funny jokes. For a little while at the films beginning I was a little concerned that this would be another Princess Blade; failing to deliver on what it promises. But after about 10-15 minutes of patchy storytelling the movie picks up and the choreography kicks in. Again, it's decent but nothing you wouldn't have seen before. Perhaps the most enjoyment to be gotten here is found in the age of the film itself. It's about 30 years old, lacks visual quality, has a pretty shitty story that is only worsened by the choppy translations. These may sound like bad things but in a way it's kind of endearing. It has an oldschool charm to it. You may be underwhelmed but then you remember that this was before special effects and there is not a stunt double to be seen. In a way it's kind of hard to say what I thought of this movie. For every good point there's a bad one, but I still managed to enjoy it.