I was just in the uni cafe when Taylor Swift's 'Love Sotry' came on and gave me something to write about. For many years now I am constantly reminded of how people seem to misinterpret the Shakespearean play Romeo and Juliet. Taylor Swift is a prime example of someone with an, at best, loose understanding of the play and decided that she would focus all her artistic energy into appropriating the "love" aspect of this story.
What am I on about here? Allow me to elaborate. To briefly run over the general plot as most people seem to see it. Romeo and Juliet fall in love despite they're familie's violent rivalry and tragically die trying to run away together. It is forbidden love that is trampled by the pettiness of honour and blah blah blah. All very tear jerky and tragic right? WRONG!
Now here's the way I see it. Romeo and Juliet are a pair of sexually frustrated teens who have never set eyes on a member of the opposite sex before who isn't poor and dirty or related to them. So their hormones kick in and they think they're in love because they can't stop staring at each other from across the room and lusting after the attractive young specimen who apparently can't stop staring either.
Now just as an aside, let my cinicism squash any belief you have in "love at first sight" right here. It doesn't exist. How can it? Seeing a person who makes your heart skip a beat is lust, plain and simple. Love implies a deep understanding and respect between the couple (amoung other things). It's hard to pinpoint exactly what love is but I can tell you right now that it is far too complex for you to be feeling it after a mere 2 seconds of carnal thoughts. Now stop! Don't bother flooding me with your little stories about how you know some old couple who've been happily married for 60 years and love each other just as much as they did the day they met and blah blah blah. Let me suggest this to you. Man and woman meet and are mutually attracted. This mutual attraction tricks their brain into rushing in and buying into the love thing before having a chance to really think about it. Now more often than not this temporal love will not last. This belief in love at first sight is probably the second greatest contributing factor in the whole shotgun wedding scene right after alcohol. Now on a very rare occasion this initial love trick will manage to withstand the scrutiny of your brain well beyond the time of the initial lust. But enough about that and back to the story.
So Romeo and Juliet is a story more about the frivolous nature of youth and the way in which they fail to act rationally because they're too busy trying to fall in love with everything in a desperate attempt to inject some meaning into their cold, hollow and temporal existance. Here's a story of a guy and a girl who have the hots for each other and decide to betray their parents and get married within 24 hours of fist talking to each other. Then they die because they are just a bunch of stupid kids who come up with the flimsiest, success-proof plan that their sex addelled brains could come up with. They enlist the help of the local preacher whom is only to happy to marry off a bunch of kids before they just have sex anyway without gods approval and then they die because they are a pair of dramatic twits who fail to ever communicate properly. How is this a love story? If anything it's sceptical of the merits to the whole buisiness in terms of how it makes people behave like morons. So let me just say that if you plan on writing a love story that parallels this story you should do some throough reading and reflecting beforehand so that you know what you're getting yourself into.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Thursday, May 7, 2009
If Death Were a Videogame (get it?)
I would be lying to you if I told you that death didn't bother me. I am an empty, beliefless body that is terrified by the thought of death. In our world death is a big deal. Some people think it's final, some people think we come back as something else and others think that if they die in a way that reflects well on some ancient book that they'll be having the most bitchin' afterlife ever experienced. In the world of videogame logic though, death is many things, but it is never a big deal.
Take a game like Sonic. Sonic will run so fast that he can't see the cliff before he is experiencing it and will die only to use another life to hopefully learn from his past mistakes. Ah yes. What a different world it would be if we could collect extra lives. Not that it would be too easy. Remember ever trying and dying over and over trying to get an extra life that's in a place more dangerous than the fifth floor of a burning building? Yeah well imagine gambling your only real life in order to get another. Hectic.
In a multitude of FPS games you can come close to death and then recover yourself completely by simply hiding away from danger for a little while. Boy that'd be great huh? Break your leg and instead of hospitals and medical insurance all you need is to take it easy for a while and make sure no more harm comes to you for a minute or so. In these situations you can still die of course, but your chances for survival are drastically improved.
Death in the Sim's is very similar to death in real life. Your loved ones are devistated, you get a grave stone or an urn. But of course in the Sim's you can come back as a ghost to freak people out. Oh and more importantly Death comes in his personified form. Loved ones can play him in a game of chance to try and get you back. That's pretty handy, although they have to be there fairly quickly. But even if you lose at least you get to talk to Death. If he's anything like the Discworld's Death I would be quite pleased.
Death in JRPG's is, to say the least, very confusing. I remember specifically a point in Final Fantasy X where I was battling wave after wave of armed soldiers slowing chipping away at my health with multiple gunshots. After I'd been shot like 100 times and taken it all like they were throwing scrunched up paper at me I came to a cutscene where I was held at gunpoint I this managed to stop me because apparently during cutscenes bullets being fired at close range suddenly become dangerous. To make matter's even more confusing we have the ability to revive characters repeatedly during combat. Yeah I know that they usually call it being KO'd but I don't entirely buy that. After all when you're supposedly KO'd you get revived by pheonix downs (pheonix of course having the ability of rebirth) and even by spells that are called "Life." Both these things would make more sense if they were reversing the effects of death rather than being KO'd. And then there's the curious case where some JRPG's have a main character die off as part of the story. Why can't you revive them then? You still have the spells and items to do it and nothing happened to the character that you haven't already survived a million times before in combat. What the fuck is going on?
Take a game like Sonic. Sonic will run so fast that he can't see the cliff before he is experiencing it and will die only to use another life to hopefully learn from his past mistakes. Ah yes. What a different world it would be if we could collect extra lives. Not that it would be too easy. Remember ever trying and dying over and over trying to get an extra life that's in a place more dangerous than the fifth floor of a burning building? Yeah well imagine gambling your only real life in order to get another. Hectic.
In a multitude of FPS games you can come close to death and then recover yourself completely by simply hiding away from danger for a little while. Boy that'd be great huh? Break your leg and instead of hospitals and medical insurance all you need is to take it easy for a while and make sure no more harm comes to you for a minute or so. In these situations you can still die of course, but your chances for survival are drastically improved.
Death in the Sim's is very similar to death in real life. Your loved ones are devistated, you get a grave stone or an urn. But of course in the Sim's you can come back as a ghost to freak people out. Oh and more importantly Death comes in his personified form. Loved ones can play him in a game of chance to try and get you back. That's pretty handy, although they have to be there fairly quickly. But even if you lose at least you get to talk to Death. If he's anything like the Discworld's Death I would be quite pleased.
Death in JRPG's is, to say the least, very confusing. I remember specifically a point in Final Fantasy X where I was battling wave after wave of armed soldiers slowing chipping away at my health with multiple gunshots. After I'd been shot like 100 times and taken it all like they were throwing scrunched up paper at me I came to a cutscene where I was held at gunpoint I this managed to stop me because apparently during cutscenes bullets being fired at close range suddenly become dangerous. To make matter's even more confusing we have the ability to revive characters repeatedly during combat. Yeah I know that they usually call it being KO'd but I don't entirely buy that. After all when you're supposedly KO'd you get revived by pheonix downs (pheonix of course having the ability of rebirth) and even by spells that are called "Life." Both these things would make more sense if they were reversing the effects of death rather than being KO'd. And then there's the curious case where some JRPG's have a main character die off as part of the story. Why can't you revive them then? You still have the spells and items to do it and nothing happened to the character that you haven't already survived a million times before in combat. What the fuck is going on?
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
The Infinite Possiblogities Guide to Diabetes Prevention
Anyone who knows me personally knows that I have Type 1 Diabetes. I'm ok with it personally. When people first find out or when they're just feeling curious they give me a little quiz on the matter. "What's it like?" "I bet you'd be used to it by now?" "I could never infject myself. I hate needles." So it's apparent to me that many people aren't particularly fond of the idea of personally having diabetes. So I thought I'd put their minds at rest by publishing The Infinite Possiblogities Guide to Diabetes Prevention.
Warning: This guide is meant for entertainment purposes only and should not be followed in any way, shape or form. If you are infact an idiot and follow the guide anyway I am in no way responsible, no matter how good your lawyer is.
Moving right along, another common thing that people say when I say I'm diabetic as "yeah, I have an uncle with diabetes." So it seems only logical that in order to maximise your chances of remaining daibetes free you have to NOT become an uncle. Just make sure you're brothers and sisters remain single and unhappy and you should be fine. If you have a defiant, "good catch" for a brother or sister you should just make sure they practice safe sex. If they're trying for a child, sabotage them by slipping the pill into the woman's meals. If they're adopting, give a really bad reference. I guess you might really want a nephew or niece though. But don't worry, I have a backup plan.
You see sometimes people say that their father, not their uncle, is the one with diabetes. Now I know what you're thinking "But I want to raise a child Mr.B." That's why I say get a sex change after you have all your desired kids. What both being an uncle and a father have in common is the fact that you are a man. So become a woman and avoid diabetes today, the Infinite Possiblogities way!
Neither myself nor Infinite Possiblogities reccomend this course of action.
You see sometimes people say that their father, not their uncle, is the one with diabetes. Now I know what you're thinking "But I want to raise a child Mr.B." That's why I say get a sex change after you have all your desired kids. What both being an uncle and a father have in common is the fact that you are a man. So become a woman and avoid diabetes today, the Infinite Possiblogities way!
Neither myself nor Infinite Possiblogities reccomend this course of action.
Red Bull Ad's
I am well aware that ads are an easy target for a blogger. Nobody will ever stand up to defend an ad. Ads are almost universally bad with miriad things to rip on. I was never really intending to touch on ads personally, but then along came Red Bull. It all started out as a bit of fun. Well actually they were never fun. Red Bull ads were always badly drawn, cheapo affairs with a script and a sense of humour like the writers were all on coke, watching American Pie 2 and trying to communicate their ideas to each other in foreign languages. But of late Red Bull ads have gotten, well, raunchier. Red Bull is forever claiming to "Give You Wings" but I think now they're implying the Red Bull "Get's you horney." They're really unsubtle about it and it's only been getting worse. Soon the ads will just be like this...
They're really embarassing ads to watch with other people, especially if there's only two of you and especially, ESPECIALLY WHEN YOUR WATCHING TV WITH YOUR FUCKING PARENTS. It's horrible and awkward and I wish I could publically humiliate the people resonsible.
"Red Bull. Make the connection"
They're really embarassing ads to watch with other people, especially if there's only two of you and especially, ESPECIALLY WHEN YOUR WATCHING TV WITH YOUR FUCKING PARENTS. It's horrible and awkward and I wish I could publically humiliate the people resonsible.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
The Fattest Reject
In general, I'm not a fan of reality TV. I have many reasons for maintaining this position. Firstly it ironically often feels unbelievable. I never truely believe or even care that the characters (or contestants or whatever they call themselves) are in any sort of dilema or personal struggle, even though it is probably true. It also stikes me as lazy, the extent of the creativity really only extrends as far as trying to figure out how to further humiliate and inconvenience the people in it. Most of all it's dull. I have no problem with a show that's about nothing or light on plot but only when it is the product of an artist, or a creative director with an ultimate vision or something of the like. I don't think it's ok to just put a camera infront of 12 or so average (or below average in many cases) John and Jane Smith's and watch them read the paper and express pseudo-intelligent or altogether ignorant views on world politics, religion and on how "so-and-so seems really fake to me."
Anyway to get to the real meat of the post I was in the situation the other week in which I pretty much had no other choice but to watch The Biggest Loser Weigh In because my very young cousine is into it for some reason ( he is only 8). I guess one of the biggest problems I have with this show is that it takes itself extremely seriously. It's constantly trying to put the fatties into uncomfortable situations and fading to black and white slow-plays to highlight struggle and overcoming of obstacles. First thing I was skeptical about was how in the opening credits all the contestants are shot in a variety unflattering ways on what may as well be a domestic video camera and then the trainers get long, sweeping glamour shots on the beach. "These people are hot, these people are NOT!" pretty much sums up the message I get from the opening, and no amount of crappy Shannon Nole can fix it.
Now as mentioned before the episode was one of the hour long, Weigh In specials and let me just say straight up that one hour is far too long. For a show that celebrates the losing of weight it is ironically quite reluctant to lose any of their precious, precious filler material. The Weigh In was far bulkier, sluggish and unhealthy than any of the contestants ever were. I mean how long does it take to weigh up 4 people for fucksake? One minute I would think. But no they have to pad it out with unnessessary commentary and interviews that only reiterate what we already fucking knew in the first place. I mean this show is on like every fucking night as it is and then they think they have enough interesting shit going on to warrent a one hour special? I mean I know it's inevitable that as they eliminate contestants the episodes will try and become more personal and in-depth to compensate for less material but really why can't they just lessen the length of the episode towards the end? Would it be so horrible to lose some of the crap? The season finale was never going to be explosive so you'd think the least they could do is make it short. My final thoughts on the show are this. Even though it was always going to be a half-baked kinda show it is only made worse by focusing on quantity rather than quality.
Anyway to get to the real meat of the post I was in the situation the other week in which I pretty much had no other choice but to watch The Biggest Loser Weigh In because my very young cousine is into it for some reason ( he is only 8). I guess one of the biggest problems I have with this show is that it takes itself extremely seriously. It's constantly trying to put the fatties into uncomfortable situations and fading to black and white slow-plays to highlight struggle and overcoming of obstacles. First thing I was skeptical about was how in the opening credits all the contestants are shot in a variety unflattering ways on what may as well be a domestic video camera and then the trainers get long, sweeping glamour shots on the beach. "These people are hot, these people are NOT!" pretty much sums up the message I get from the opening, and no amount of crappy Shannon Nole can fix it.
Now as mentioned before the episode was one of the hour long, Weigh In specials and let me just say straight up that one hour is far too long. For a show that celebrates the losing of weight it is ironically quite reluctant to lose any of their precious, precious filler material. The Weigh In was far bulkier, sluggish and unhealthy than any of the contestants ever were. I mean how long does it take to weigh up 4 people for fucksake? One minute I would think. But no they have to pad it out with unnessessary commentary and interviews that only reiterate what we already fucking knew in the first place. I mean this show is on like every fucking night as it is and then they think they have enough interesting shit going on to warrent a one hour special? I mean I know it's inevitable that as they eliminate contestants the episodes will try and become more personal and in-depth to compensate for less material but really why can't they just lessen the length of the episode towards the end? Would it be so horrible to lose some of the crap? The season finale was never going to be explosive so you'd think the least they could do is make it short. My final thoughts on the show are this. Even though it was always going to be a half-baked kinda show it is only made worse by focusing on quantity rather than quality.
Monday, May 4, 2009
A Strange Response Arises
...when one day an Annonymous reader decides to give me their feedback.
Acting upon the suggestion of the unknown commentor I decided I would cater to the needs of my audience and respond directly to the feedback. First of all my audience more or less consists of me. It is myself that I am trying to please and entertain here and anyone else who may find enjoyment in one of my posts is merely a bonus. It would be very different if I has legions of devoted fans or something like that, but I'm quite sure that I do not.
My second point is this. A strange situation does NOT arise when a blog post reads like a diary entry. I'd check the definition of a blog if I were you. Blog is a word that came about from the words web log, which certainly sounds to me as if it were describing an online journal or diary. Yes, I am aware that my previous post was very light on the laughs and importance factors but it was kind of supposed to be. I was supposed to be a "hey, you know what I just noticed?" kinda post. I'm sorry that it didn't satisfy your needs as a reader. I do have some more meaty posts on the backburner of my brain which I will dish out very soon (probably during the week) as soon as uni cools off a bit. I don't know who you are Annonymous, whether you be a disgruntled fan, a friend or a tourist paying my blog a brief visit while you were in the area and writing in the visitors book. Sorry if I've sounded abraisive or aggitated or anything along those lines. I recognise that my blog is far from perfect and I appreciate all the feedback I get. It's just a matter of me playing around with different things until I can work out my strengths. So don't give up on Infinite Possiblogities just yet, I've got plenty more to rant about and several reviews and things in the works. Keep the comments coming in :)
Acting upon the suggestion of the unknown commentor I decided I would cater to the needs of my audience and respond directly to the feedback. First of all my audience more or less consists of me. It is myself that I am trying to please and entertain here and anyone else who may find enjoyment in one of my posts is merely a bonus. It would be very different if I has legions of devoted fans or something like that, but I'm quite sure that I do not.
My second point is this. A strange situation does NOT arise when a blog post reads like a diary entry. I'd check the definition of a blog if I were you. Blog is a word that came about from the words web log, which certainly sounds to me as if it were describing an online journal or diary. Yes, I am aware that my previous post was very light on the laughs and importance factors but it was kind of supposed to be. I was supposed to be a "hey, you know what I just noticed?" kinda post. I'm sorry that it didn't satisfy your needs as a reader. I do have some more meaty posts on the backburner of my brain which I will dish out very soon (probably during the week) as soon as uni cools off a bit. I don't know who you are Annonymous, whether you be a disgruntled fan, a friend or a tourist paying my blog a brief visit while you were in the area and writing in the visitors book. Sorry if I've sounded abraisive or aggitated or anything along those lines. I recognise that my blog is far from perfect and I appreciate all the feedback I get. It's just a matter of me playing around with different things until I can work out my strengths. So don't give up on Infinite Possiblogities just yet, I've got plenty more to rant about and several reviews and things in the works. Keep the comments coming in :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)