The Catch Up

Far out I've been shit to my blog the past week. If I.P. was my child then I'm pretty sure a concerned neighbour would have dobbed me in to the cops by now and my face would be all over the evening news. The truth of the matter is that the past week has been a fairly full one. Now because I'm fairly sure that the whole point of blogging is to inflict the tales of your own exciting (or boring) lives upon the public I feel that I should give a bit of a rundown on what I've been up to the past week.

Monday was one of the few days this week where I actually DID blog. After giving Femalien the thumbs down I played Super Paper Mario for a considerable hunk of the day. At some point later on in the evening My friends, brothers, girlfriend (just for the record I'm not one of those guys who calls his girlfriend "My Girlfriend" all the time like it's her name, I'm just not down with giving out names on my blog) and I went to the local art gallery to see the Year 12 Major Works Exhibition. Art, Dance, Music and Drama students all showed off their hard work and took comfort in the knowledge that at least one (maybe two or three for some students) large part of the HSC was over.

Tuesday I was feeling pretty guilty about the fact that I hadn't been doing any TAFE work the previous day. So what did I do? Well I went on a picnic with a few of my friends and had a jolly old time at the park until the weather turned against us. I then declined an offer to go to the movies because of that aweful feeling of falling behind I had got from ignoring TAFE the past couple of days.

Wednesday I did TAFE until about 7pm when I met up with a few of my friends to go see Cog live. I enjoyed the show immensly. I liked how close I could easily get to the band because of the smallish venue. Saw some sus chick whoring it up with two different guys and we got rubbish hurled at us for dissing on Disturbed. An awesome night out I'd say.

Thursday I woke up at the GF's house and looked after her for a while because she was unwell. When I got home I immediately went to The Escapist to watch the new Zero Punctuation video (did anyone follow that link when I posted about him? You can tell me he's shit if you like, I won't get offended). Played some Fable and NiGHTS: Journey of Dreams. Oh and I also posted that day, vowing never to miss a day of posting again.

Friday I didn't post again. Did a few Beardy's with some friends. Visited sick GF. Had dinner. Had a humiliating game of pool in an unfamiliar pool environment (our usual pick of the pubs for pool was having a filthy function and as a result excluded us fron the pool tables). Feeling ashamed we went to a friends house and watched 10 Items or Less for a little bit. Then I went home, woke up, ate breakfast, made myself a pretty bad coffee and wrote this boring post. Enjoy.

Beam Me Up

Aside from being an extremely shitty Urban Dictionary entry by "doo doo dicky" (see picture to the left) Femalien is an extremely shitty erotica from 1996 that can be found in the "adult" section of your local video rental outlet. It features all the full frontal nudity and simulated sex you come to expect from an erotica but also has an aweful story that will amuse you with its crappiness for maybe 15 mins or so. Straight up, Femalien should not be confused for pornography. Although your mum may not care for the difference if she walks in on you watching it, Femalien is not porn. Just to make the difference between erotica and porn clear; porn is designed to show explicit scenes of sex whilst erotica is more a story with sexual themes. "Boring!" I hear my readers cry; so lets get down to the naughty bits. To it's credit Femalien features some hot chicks whose anatomy the viewer becomes quite accustomed to. That's about it for the good points, so to its' discredit Femalien features...

1. Horrible music during the "lovemaking"
2. The lamest sci-fi story which is...
3. ...made worse by terrible acting
4. Several scenes of boring simulated sex that nobody even seems into
5. Well that's about it actually, but 1-4 do feature in almost every scene in this damn movie

Anyway seeing as how I DID make a bit of a big deal about the whole Femalien-not-porn-it's-erotica thing I suppose I HAD better cover the story a little. Femalien is an alien sent to Earth on a mission to study the mating habits of humans. On Earth she takes on the appearance of a large breasted female and goes out to perve on couples, seduce men and women and sleep with some guy in order to help out one of her brand new Earth buddies (before fucking them). It's kind of ironic that this disguise of hers is so revealing most of the time, don'tcha think? I mean in the traditional sense a disguise puts you in mind of large trenchcoats, dark glasses or even one of those humorous glasses, fake nose with moustache combos you can get at party shops. Actually this whole movie kinda gives off those party shop vibes. I can just imagine this movie being watched at a buck's party whilst waiting for the strippers to come. I also thinks it rather strange that after the seduction the Femalien beams her prey to her love pad and the subject of her sexual experiment hardly seems to care. A quick look about and the utterance of "weird, how did you do that?" followed by a vague answer like "I have magnetic attraction" is all that is required to put their minds at rest before they get it on. I personally, in this situation, would question a little further than that.

"Seriously! I'm not fucking around! How did you do that? I need answers. Look, if there isn't a completely inncoent answer as to why I am all of a sudden on your bed I'm leaving. So if you just let me call a taxi or something I'll be on my way."